~Options are to make way for our life~

Stress

2011-11-15T23:49:00.004+08:00

I've never felt this stress before in my life.

Losing Jacky dog is like losing one of my family member.

House got broken into twice within months, once almost got my mum killed.

I am now having 2 midterm test within a week and an assignment to pass up.

Imagine the time i needed to prepare all these.

Every night my mind is playing with me, the feeling of losing someone you love, the mindset of holding something that you could not tell anyone.

Every night i feel afraid, i was having thoughts what and how would i feel if i lose my family members now. Losing Jacky dog made me realize how important safety is.

At the same time, i feel guilt.

The guilt the fact that i'm keeping a secret and did nothing about it whereas i should have done something about it.

College started and i merely gave up what i've had planned.

Should have done the right thing. Well to be fair, i still have a chance to do it.

There's always a but. But studies is going on and i never wanted it to affect my studies.

Another matter of guilt, i've treated someone really badly and really mean.

Now he is alone and when i saw what he was going through, my empathetic sense held up and the guilt grew strongly that i regret every single devilish thing i've done towards him withing months. Yes, i have been mean to him withing months until last week.

These are the thoughts that goes through my mind every single night after the second break in which cost me to lose my Jacky dog.

I can break down in tears if i want to, but the mind is not letting me.

I feel like holding a hard wooden stick and whack the shit out of something, well preferably the new Light Brown Saga car which named as WVU 7782.

I have a friend who i've known since high school.

He's always undermining people.

He's always taking friends for granted.

But i've chose to kept quiet.

All these shits have been going through my sick mind.

Sometimes i wonder why are all these going in my thinking process all at once?

and sometimes i ask myself does God even exist?

If yes then why aren't you doing anything?

Why didn't you give my family some peace?

My family have not killed anyone and why? Why do we live in fear?

Why murderers are out there living their ass nicely?

and why normal people which have awesome heart and humanity have to die in an ugly way?

God, if you are ever reading this (lol) please do something.

This maybe a low depression state, but honestly, i know i'm having it but i really can't seem to face it. I really can't accept it.

I know it is but my mind tells me it is not.

I need to get back on the right track.

My mind is killing me.

Sunday Morning

2011-05-04T01:52:00.003+08:00

Sunday morning rain is falling
Steal some covers, share some skin
Clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable
You twist to fit the mold that I am in
But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do
And I would gladly hit the road get up and go if I knew
That someday it would lead me back to you
That someday it would lead me back to you

That may be all I need
In darkness she is all I see
Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow on Sunday morning
I never want to leave

Fingers trace your every outline
Paint a picture with my hands
Back and forth we sway like branches in a storm
Change the weather still together when it ends

That may be all I need
In darkness she is all I see
Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow on Sunday morning
I never want to leave

oh yea
But things just get so crazy even life gets hard to do
Sunday morning rain is falling and I'm calling out to you
Singing someday it'll bring me back to you
Find a way to bring myself back home to you

And you may not know
That may be all I need
In darkness she is all I see
Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow on Sunday morning
I never want to leave

oh yea yea, oh yea yea,
oh yea yea

There's a flower in your hair,
and I'm the flower in your hair, oh oh

oh yea yea, oh yea yea,
oh yea yeah!

The Sun of Songs About Jane.

2011-05-02T04:50:00.003+08:00

Love the way they compose the song. :D

The Sun

After school, walking home
Fresh dirt under my fingernails
And I can smell hot asphalt
Cars screech to a halt to let me pass

And I cannot remember
What life was like through photographs
And trying to recreate images
Life gives us from our past
And sometimes it's a sad song

But I cannot forget, refuse to regret
So glad I met you and
Take my breath away, make everyday
Worth all of the pain that I have gone through

And mama I've been cryin'
Cause things ain't how they used to be
She said the battles almost won
And we're only several miles from the sun

Moving on down my street
I see people I won't ever meet
Think of her, take a breath
Feel the beat in the rhythm of my steps
And sometimes it's a sad song

But I cannot forget, refuse to regret
So glad I met you
Take my breath away, make everyday
Worth all of the pain that I have gone through

And mama I've been cryin'
Cause things ain't how they used to be
She said the battles almost won
And we're only several miles from the sun

The rhythm of her conversation
The perfection of her creation
The sex she slipped into my coffee
The way she felt when she first saw me

Hate to love and love to hate her
Like a broken record player
Back and forth and here and gone
And on and on and on and on

But I cannot forget, refuse to regret
So glad I met you and
Take my breath away make everyday
Worth all of the pain that I have gone through

And mama I've been cryin'
Cause things ain't how they used to be
She said the battles almost won
And we're only several miles...
She said the battles almost won
And we're only several miles from the sun

Wasted Years

2011-05-02T04:35:00.003+08:00

This song is superb cool. Love the lyrics and the way the song goes. <3 :D

Wasted Years

Slow is the memory
I can picture her standin' right in front of me
Orange blossoms crushed on concrete
I walk around with bare feet, 'cuz I know you want me

Can't remember anything
Her skin it tastes like sugar cane
And I had already gotten there before I came
My tank is empty and I know you're thirsty

But I have already tried to explain myself
It's not that I love someone else
But I can't bear to listen to your cry, yeah
I'm sick of all these wasted years
A rag for someone else's tears
I wring you out as I hang you out to dry
No, no, no, no, no, no, yeah

And I'll see you when I get back
Maybe we can get ourselves back on the right track
You touch me there because you know how much I like that
I think that we will need to relax 'cuz I know you want me

All the time and everywhere
A happy surface but the underbelly isn't there
The worst thing is that I don't even really care
The emptiness is too much to bear

But I have already tried to explain myself
It's not that I love someone else
But I can't bear to listen to your cry
I'm sick of all these wasted years
A rag for someone else's tears
I wring you out as I hang you out to

C'mon c'mon, get off the phone, please, come home
It's been so lonely since you've been gone
Your love surround me, up and down me
Be all around me, baby, I can't breathe no more

C'mon c'mon, get off the phone, please, come home
It's been so lonely since you've been gone
Your love surround me, up and down me
Be all around me, baby, I can't breathe no more

But I have already tried to explain myself
It's not that I love someone else
But I can't bear to listen to your cry
I'm sick of all these wasted years
A rag for someone else's tears
I wring you out as I hang you out to dry

Sick of all these wasted years
A rag for someone else's tears
I wring you out as I hang you out to, to, dry
To try, try to get back home

Try, you try, yeah

Never Gonna Leave This Bed.

2011-05-02T04:28:00.003+08:00

Never Gonna Leave This Bed.

You push me, I don't have the strength to
Resist or control you
So take me down
Take me down

You hurt me, but do I deserve this?
You make me so nervous
Calm me down
Calm me down

Wake you up in the middle of the night to say
I will never walk away again
I'm never gonna leave this bed

So come here and never leave this place
Perfection of your face
Slows me down
Slows me down
So fall down I need you to trust me
Go easy, don't rush me
Help me out why don't you help me out

Wake you up in the middle of the night to say,
I will never walk away again
I'm never gonna leave this bed
Oh so you say "go, It isn't worth it"
and I say "no, It isn't perfect"
so I stay and still
I'm never gonna leave this bed

Take it, take it all take all that I have
I'd give it all away just to get you back
And fake it, fake it I'll take what I can get
Knocking so loud, can you hear me yet?
Try to stay awake but you can't forget

Wake you up in the middle of the night to say,
I will never walk away again
I'm never gonna leave this bed
You say "go, It isn't worth it"
and I say "no It isn't perfect"
so I stay and still
I'm never gonna leave this bed

Take it, take it all take all that I have
Take it, take it all take all that I have
Take it, take it all take all that I have

Just A Feeling of Hands All Over.

2011-05-02T04:11:00.006+08:00

Just A Feeling.

I watched you cry
Bathed in sunlight
By the bathroom door
You said you wished you did not love me anymore

You left your flowers in the backseat of my car
The things we said and did have left permanent scars
Obsessed depressed at the same time
I can't even walk in a straight line
I've been lying in the dark no sunshine
No sunshine
No Sunshine

She cries This is more than goodbye
When I look into your eyes
You're not even there
It's just a feeling
Just a feeling
Just a feeling that I have
Just a feeling
Just a feeling that I have

I can't believe that it's over
You've hit your low
You've lost control and you want me back
You may not believe me but I gave you all I have
Oh just confess that you're still mine
I roll around in a bed full of tears
I'm still lying in the dark no sunshine
No sunshine
No Sunshine

She cries this is more than goodbye
When i look into your eyes you're not even there

It's just a feeling
Just a feeling
just a feeling that I have
Just a feeling
Just a feeling that I have

No I can't believe that it's over now baby
So much to say
It's not the way she does her hair
It's the way she seems to stare right through my eyes
And in my darkest day when she refused to run away
The love she tried so hard to save

It's just a feeling
Just a feeling
just a feeling that I have
Just a feeling
Just a feeling that I have

It's just a feeling
Just a feeling
just a feeling that I have
Just a feeling
Just a feeling that I have

I can't believe that it's over

Maroon 5

2011-05-02T03:23:00.008+08:00

I'm finally back to blogging!
Well, for a short one i guess.
I'd love to blog this out simply because i feel superb happy in my life so far.
After all the pain i suffered in my heart and studies; i really do wanna enjoy my life in every freaking way i could. I just wanna enjoy every single moment and let go every sad moment at the back of my mind. :D

So yeah, Maroon 5!
Debut concert at Stadium Putra, Bukit Jalil. 29th of April 2011.
Well, the girls love their looks and some of their top hits songs; for me personally, i love their concept of their three albums. Songs About Jane; It Won't Be Soon Before Long and their latest Hands All Over.
I love almost all of their songs; it relaxes me, makes me feel good, makes me feel peaceful and makes me feel lovely! LOL.

So, on 29th of April, I went to their concert with Amy, Suzanne and her schoolmate, Olivia. :D
These are some of the pictures :D

A day before the concert! :D

Amy and I, just love my hair. :D haha

Suzanne, Amy and I. :)

Adam Levine. :D

Olivia, Suzanne, Maroon 5, Me and Amy. :D

Ohh Carol !
Finally i met this friend of mine after almost 4 years!
The last we met was during form 3 seminar at Kasturi, according to her. Lol.
I've certainly lost alot of memory of it.
Anyway, your face changed alot the last time we've met; went prettier i guess. haha.
I wasn't expecting to meet you though, simply cause last two months we've been trying to plan to meet up and none of it works! LOL
So i have a HUGE doubt that we would meet up at Maroon 5's, guess i was wrong. :D
I'm glad to have finally met you. :)

After several long months, i have finally find the happiness inside me.
I enjoyed every single moment with my Johannian buddies and college friends as well.
I felt this happiness inside me so far in my life and imma continue doing what i feel best; happy! :D

ohh ohh, and i can't stop listening to Maroon 5, all of their songs. Yes, all of them.
They are all sound so good that i listen to them every single moment.
:D
I just love their songs. :D

i'm sorry

2011-04-03T17:50:00.003+08:00

Hey
you might read this or might not
it doesn't matter.
All i want you to know is that i never meant what i said the other night.
and yeah you're right i am the piece of disgusting shit right now.
I was high and that is not my excuse.
i should have realize and controlled whatever shit i've said, i regreted it.
I have no intention or whatsoever in hurting you.
All i want for you is just to be happy whatever you're doing.
People make mistakes and it happened to me this time, i hope you can forgive me and not keep it inside you.
It was stupid for me to said so and i blame it all on myself.
I admit i lost my head.
with all those emotions and feelings inside me i didn't mean to lash it out on you, i never wanted to.

All i want is just forgiveness from you and i really hope things would get better.
I don't wanna be awkward in college and i never wanna lose you.
You've been great to me and you make me feel comfortable each time i'm with you.

I'm sorry.

flood

2011-01-20T00:04:00.003+08:00

since small
wee grew up together.
i never knew you that much.
i never knew how's ur actual attitude.
to tell u the truth.
we started arguing when i was standard 5 and you were form 4.
we argue and fight almost everyday.
punch each other's faces and even spit it on.
i've had enough of you.
i really do man.
you fucking treat yrself as a king in this house
finished eating then don't wash ur plates, let mum wash.
mum wash all ur clothes, sweep ur room, clean ur room, clean ur cigarrete case, wash our toilet.
have you ever fucking done all these by urself?
have you ever thought of mum?
of how hardworking she is to fucking carry this fam?
of how fucking tired she is working everyday then clean our toilet in the weekends?
even i helped out a few times.
i did almost everything a elder brother should do
i showed all the examples or role model a brother should.
but you as a elder brother just fuckup.
u dont understand me
u dont even have feelings for our family.
i just dont get it man
i dont get why cant we just get along just like when we were little?

do you know how fucking desperate i wanted to leave this house because of you?
you are a fucking dirty person you know that.
you shit and you dont flush.
you dont clean up urself man.
you treated everyone of us as maids to you huh?

i had enough man.
when the flood came
all you did was just blame me.
you blamed me all you want.
since you started smoking your attitude changed like hell.
you were impatient to mum
rude to dad.
fucked me up.
its like you dont even wanan know us.
i just wish i could understand you more.
its all fuckup now.

i seriously don't know how to live with this kind of people.
each time you act like that
i gotta talk to myself.
i told myself be strong
no matter what you are still my brother and i love you man
i didnt leave this hosue is because of mum and dad
i kept quiet and give in each time we had an arguement
simply because i respect you as my brother and you gained that respect.
as time passed you slowly lose it with ur attitude and homee works.

you know what.
i'm done man.
you do whatever you want since you're already 24.
screw it.
you don't need to understand me.
you dont even fuckign need to understand the family man.
just fucking get ur life settled down.

:D

2011-01-11T22:42:00.003+08:00

i miss my smile.
smile of happiness, truely inside me.
i miss 'em.
i miss my laughter.

i just wished my life and i would just smile and laugh with nothing choking inside me.
=)

=D

2011-01-11T22:41:00.001+08:00

i love my family, friends and everyone around me.
i am happy with life and just gotta keep working hard.
=)

Fever

2011-01-05T23:39:00.002+08:00

i am having fever right now.
i mean couple of hours earlier.
i felt horrible.
but i'm feeling better now.

i have never been sick since that college camp about 2 months ago.
i've lost some important people in my life.
and now me getting sick.

honestly, i was terrified.
i mean i am.
i felt very weak, very suffering.
i was thinking the worst possible thing that could happen to me.
i am really scared to leave my love ones; family and friends.
i wonder was that how he felt before he passed.
because i really felt that.
i am scared to go and leave you guys behind.
it'll be horrible for you people.

well, my parents told me not to go class moro and go for the doc.
but i refused cuz i dont wanna miss any lesson.

maybe, just maybe i went through what he felt.
i bet he was much more worst than me.
its just that we should always cherish people around me.
they will always say that but do we really do it?
words speaks louder than actions, yeah that's what i thought.
after he's gone.
life really meant alot to me, so as people i love.
its glad that Sarveen come back purposely every 3 months from uk when he don't even need to.
we really made ourselves cherish and value ourselves in every way each time we meet.

anyway, my point is..
just value everyone we know.
i'm not gonna waste my life going through studies and aiming my goal in life.
what matters is enjoy with happiness inside you with people you love.

Happy New Year!

2011-01-02T14:43:00.002+08:00

2011 eve is the awesome one.
i had alcohol and dance and also chit chat about life with those guys.
i admitted every shits that is inside me; its like a load i wanna get it off to them.
this is because they are the one for me in all my life.
they are the one who i can talk to most.
i never regret being a Johannian and knowing them in my life.
they are truely awesome.

i had to do what i gotta do that night.
express every shit out inside me.
and i totally did.
after the night, next morning is already new year.
i thought it was still 2010 until the sunlight shine on me.
it was so hot and the brightness of the sun made my day.
its like a fresh start all over again.
its like i've been given a chance.

whatever i said and happened that night, it meant to be kept in 2010.
screw it, and lets enjoy 2011.
to me, new year is not only a day. is not only the first day of the year.
i assume it as a whole week.
it made everything special.
i love all my family and friends.
they are always there for me.

i am looking foward and brimming in confidence to become a better person, man and Lionel.
i have this low confidence a few years back.
but each year, i told myself.
be confident, you're a man, do waht you have to do, don't care what people think, if they don't like you they can fuck off and you can enjoy ur life.
I should improve to be a better man and human.
Look around me, look for options, be prepared and be confident.

A teacher of mine in high school told me this last week.
"know alot more of them but do not be commited, enjoy life first"
i'll always remember her and the conversation.
i love her as a teacher and she's awesome.

I am who i am; always try to be a better person and myself.

one

2010-12-22T02:45:00.003+08:00

i don't know.
i don't know what's my decision either to do or not.

its 2.48am now.
i wish i could just talk to someone.
no one on my list.

you've disconnected me and hurt me even more even though we're not together.
i'm dissapointed in your actions.
i am also surprised that you were'nt ashamed to removed and then added me back in.

well, to judge or not to judge.
to assume or not to assume.
intend or unintend.

you will always assume that my negative sides will face you; anger, tease, judge, whatever i say its all negative in ur mind.
You have this negative perception towards me even though i am sincerely talking nicely.

I know i can't change ur thoughts.
So, its pointless to do.

"Lionel, how do you bare with all these sufferings?", he asked.
"When you love someone, you would just put those things behind you and look foward to make her happy", I answered.

My imperfections are perfect, but not all of them are perfect.
I tried.
I have really tried.
I admit its not easy for me to cope during and after.
I still have you inside me, not alot but little sparks would light up a fire.

I love you, i'm just afraid to be with you.

I just wanna spend more time in being myself.

Lifehouse, Everything. Played to me randomly.
=')

Just a couple of cans.

2010-12-21T01:51:00.002+08:00

Today was suppose to go digi centre and ask some stuff about my bb.
ended up too many people there and i didnt get the chance to ask.
so, went yam cha then swim with khong and edo.
then we had dinner at jalan alor with sarveen, pavin, ramesh, ed lee, bryan, kok huah and hariz.
as usual after dinner we just sat there and talk cock.
and we talked about high school memories.
its great to talked about it.
i loved every moment in high school.
nothing beats high school and it was the best time of my life.
nothing specific occasion or whatsoever.
in my opinion, its who we mixed with and what we do.

so after that, we've decided to get cans and settle down at bsc.
so i had 2 cans.
apparently i started to get dizzy and tired.
so,
we had guy talk.
it was very meaningful.
we talked about relationships and stuff.
when it was my turn, i really let things out.
i wanted to cry but i didn't.
because i put things that happened very far back of my mind.
sometimes is good cuz it didn't occur much inside me anymore.

then, i was really touched or maybe surprised when they say things that they knew alot about me and asked how do i deal with all these sufferings. so i just let it out.

overall, it was a ver good talk between us.
we shared our feelings and i felt way better after that.

they are truely awesome.
we've always been close since we left high school.
we never let ourselves go far away from each other.
we will eventually meet somehow.

just about to leave the place.
we really talked generally about ourselves.
and these few sentences stuck inside me.

its up to the individual on who or what they wanna put their priority first.
its about you, yourself.
if someone had a bad day and need to talk, meantime my friend have a punctured tire.
i would definitely help my friend to fix his punctured tire.
after what we have gone through with both parties, i'd choose him because the bond of brotherhood inside us are pretty special.
too bad it didn't happened to you but it happened to my life and its inside me.
i can't express it out to make you feel it and you'll never feel it cuz it didnt happened to you.
it happened to me.
the spirit, bond of brotherhood, they are all inside me.
i'd choose friends more than gf.
they are the one who'll always be there for you, forever.

these are my thoughts and opinion.
its deep down inside me.

:D

2010-12-19T02:43:00.008+08:00

Its been a long time since i done this gay thingy.
well, i find it gay though. hahaha.
anyway, just wanna intro myself about myself. :D

oh that's! not me.
she's just someone who i really like. hahaha. she's cool :D

Now here's the intro of my babyberry.
oh looklookloooklooklooklooklooklooklooklook..!! XD

Holidays

2010-12-13T08:56:00.002+08:00

For the first time in my life, i am putting myself into serious condition in buying a phone. Lol! Lame shit.
i'm getting blackberry curve 9300 next week.
most probably i guess.
for rm930 including casing,2g memory, warranty and bla bla.
i saved 650 ard.
bro gonna chip in 100.
and another 200 getting it from my account.
feel so bad taking it out though. LOL.
this sucks!

oh oh, and i'm going to change to 012, going for youthclub plan.
that plan is awesome. better than what im using now. usless pile of fail.LOL

anyway, life is awesome.
i'm living happy much more than the whole year.
this year sucked ass.
love the people around much.
:D

End of Sem 2

2010-12-07T02:24:00.002+08:00

Ooolleeeee!!

oh well, end of sem you.
i hope not to fail any of my subj!
cuz this sem i really did quite good but abit sucked. hahahaha
so screw it.
not giving up
whatever result it is
im still gonna do my level best.

and oh oh, bitch, fuck you. hahahaha
you will never realise what ur doing or saying.
cuz you yourself just couldnt sort urself out.

For me
i am very happy now.
no more feelings towards you
my biggest wish ever.

im happy with my friends
awesome ppl
better than you
better than ur friends
fuck you. hahahaha
well,
i dont feel hurt seeing you and him together.
i feel happy for you.
i dont know why but yeah.
oh oh
and i no longer check ur blog.
like, i dont even bother about it.
i dont hate you after we break up.
i dont say fuck you after we break up.
i say fuck you cuz you fucking deserve it.
hahahaha

oh oh
party starts this friday.
then wait for sarveen to come back and we party together like we did.
well, went clubbing twice.
it was awesome shit
now gonna go different place.
hopefully its not a gay club.
haha.
i wanna dance damn it!
its so awesome.
love everyone around me.
:D

Muhammad Asry

2010-12-02T22:52:00.001+08:00

Do not stand at my grave and weep,

I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am in a thousand winds that blow,

I am the softly falling snow.

I am the gentle showers of rain,

I am the fields of ripening grain.

I am in the morning hush,

I am in the graceful rush

Of beautiful birds in circling flight,

I am the starshine of the night.

I am in the flowers that bloom,

I am in a quiet room.

I am in the birds that sing,

I am in each lovely thing.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,

I am not there. I do not die.

----------------------------------------------------

Poem by Mary Elizabeth Frye

For our beloved brother Muhammad Asri, 1992 - 2010.
You're in a better place now.
='(

sem 2

2010-11-30T01:52:00.002+08:00

Been stressing out very much for this final exam.
pimples are coming out.
urgh.
this is damn annoying and scary.
i hope i won't fail any subj this sem. =/
touch wood and pray hard. =)
anyway,
just wanna make myself realise that im happy for what im doing right now.
with the ppl around me.
not so suffering like last time.
maybe somehting still lost inside me, not that much.
that lost feeling will eventually gone soon.

well, i kinda like her.
we've know for years.
she melted my heart by saying something to me that i wasn't expecting, we were 15 that time. Hahaha. But, she's sweet! awwww.. XD
been chatting frequently.
i miss her, i really do.
i just dont know how to tell her.
maybe i'll just take more time. XD

for now, just wanna be myself and enjoy every moment i possibly can.
finals coming up!
pimples coming up!
eye bags coming up!
awhh awhh, mui told me this : your eye bags have eye bags around their eye bags. LMAO. love that sentence la, power shit. hahaha.

anyway, have been laughing everyday and im loving every moment of it.
happiness coming to me! XD
and imma looking foward to meet you this holiday. XD miss you. =p

okayh, just finished studying cts and now is 2am.
nights world.

loving everyone around me, they're awesome with laughter comes everyday but never goes away. =D

McD

2010-11-18T19:44:00.002+08:00

Today i had marketing presentation.
I did quite good, i guess my team did very good as well.
human comm was utterly boring but i had fun though.
after human comm, Nat, Cwei and i planned to study cts along the corridor.
at first was talking shit and self disclosing each other.
well, to tell the truth, i wasn't prepared to self disclose as my mood wasn't there. Plus, its true, i was afriad to cry in such a public place.
i've been emo-ing and tears went down for the past days, every night.
the nearer my birthday comes, the more i emo every night.

every night for the past week, i wished for something before i sleep.
i said, i wished we can just live happily ever after right now.
i asked God, why must i suffer from this broken heart?
why must i face all these? Did i do anything wrong to her?
I just wished that what happened can never happened in my life, but the truth is, its a fact that it happened.
so why bother.
deep down, i still love you as much as i did.
i still want you back.
truth is i'm just afraid to get hurt, that's all.

Well, i did study along the corridor though, but i fell asleep halfway.
when i woke up, i continued studying and covered a few parts.
so, while i was accompanying Natalie untill her mum came to fetch her
then Natalie and i were talking shit
self disclosing
and gossiping about people.
Well, i never knew some people would do those things.

After that, we went back.
when i was driving home, Daddy called me and said, our house area there was raining heavily, so try to go somewhere and chill first untill the rain drizzles.
alright then.
so i went to Mcd nearby my house,i had McNugget took away and i've decided to have dinner myself in the car.
I was so lazy to find parking, to go get the umbrella and sit inside the restaurant.
so yeah.
i turned off my engine and started eating with bit of the window opened.
when i was eating, i was hoping that the radio wouldn't play me any emo songs, especially Lady Antebellum, Need You Now. Instead, they played me Paramore, brick by boring brick and more more more, Love it baby. Haha.

Anyway, while in the car where i was eating Mcnugget alone.
i felt something was missing.
i dont know what or who.
but it was definitely you.
the same feeling as i always faced every night before this.
Why does this happened to me.
I miss the love from you.
yeah , i really do love you and i miss you loving me.

Natalie asked me if i need a hug.
i was desperate for it but i never wanted to.
cuz if i were to hug her, i might break down.
cuz i really miss hugging you and i really need it so bad from someone, just anyone for me to cry on.
i dont know when i'm gonna do it.
i just hope someone or anyone would just be there for me.

I appreciate and will always do the actions from people around me.
i won't wanna lose them out of my sight.
they are the only one who i can alwasy count on and find to hang around with and especially to talk with.

I wanna thank my Daddy, Mummy and Bro who has always take care of me and pampered me.
Pampering me which i was never hoping or prefered.
cuz i just dont feel comfortable, i just wanna show you guys that i am independent and i have grown up.

i also wanna thank God that each day i wake up, i see my family in one piece.
each time i come home, i see my family.
Thank You.

Take care Lionel, take care.

El Sanctury

2010-11-02T08:44:00.002+08:00

camp was awesome.
our bond of brotherhood have increased.
learned new things
through experience, we can do better in the future.

haiz, i dont know what am i crapping also.
i just dont feel good.
why am i kept blogging emo stuff in my blog.
why not i blog happy stuff?
haiz
i hate myself for being that way.

i need a hug.
i just need one.
='(

love

2010-10-25T18:50:00.003+08:00

Let me clear this up.
you're being such a stereotype.
me and her have nothing.
ur the one who hate her cuz she's in that school.
and please la, we are not purposely wanna be together so close in college ok.
we have 4 class in common. imagine that.
its just the same as u and ur friends. bunch of classes in common thats why u guys so close.
do you even know why i have no friends in college in the first sem?
its because of you that cheated on me.
what am i suppose to do?
be happy?
i was very emo untill i have no friends.
each time i finished class.
i go back straight.
everytime have my lunch alone in some mamak or in my house.

the truth is not i dont love u.
its i can't live with the scar that you craved on my heart.
since the day i knew about what u did to me.
you hurt me since then untill end of august.
june july august
imagine these 3 fucking months
you've hurt me untill no one can take this pain except for me.
you wouldn't want me to list them down.
what u did in whole september?
hide things from me? awesome.
thats how a couple should be.

back to last saturday which i had my moral stuff.
i wasn't in her house for kicks.
we planned to go yam cha the night before that and it was last minute.
she can't drive at night.
so i gotta fetch her.
and i dont know where's her house.
better i just stay there rather than gonig back and coming back to her house which God knows where?!

i just finished my exam la.
can give me a break ah?
can u like let me say that i forgot to tell you?
friday i drove whole day with you and i am superb tired.

i told you to trust me.
its up to you.
one thing.
am i the person who will cheat on his gf?
Nope, deep down you know it.
are you the person who will cheat on me?
Nope, people who knew you ; me and ur friends, deep down they know you will never do such things. But i was wrong.
I was damn wrong and damned.

did you even realise how much you hurt me?
have u ever wonder how do i sleep every night?
you think i can let go of things that you did to me?
some time and some moment in every week i have to think what i had experience, and what you did to me.
it wasn't easy for me to go through all these.
if you think now that ur suffering.
trust me, if you would be in my position.
you'll feel worst than this.

saturday night call.
remember you were being sarcastic in a call few weeks ago or months.
you said its a fact that im childish.
how would i feel when my love ones told me that?
and last sat.
you said its a fact that im ugly.
i can't tolerate with this kind of people.
not only you.
may be others as well.

Cuz whatever i say, they are all wrong!!
whatever shit you say! they are all right!!

that's the attitude of urs inside you all these while which i just hold it inside me to give and take on you! to tolerate with you!

i've talked to myself recently.
since you've stopped the hurting attitude to me.
and we started argueing since september like every week and everyday
will i ever survive or suffer in the future being with you?
Nope, i will not survive.
and deep down u know it.

and btw.
my girl friends post on my wall.
i comment on their photo and stuff.
so whats the big deal?
you like some other guys photo.
commented on their photo even to the person that i dislike.
you think i dont know?
did i even say a thing?
nope, i didnt.
and don't say you didnt. i saw it with my own fucking eyes.

why must you hate her?
you know why?
its because ur being stereotype.
don't understand? let me narrow it down.
she's from that school and u hate it.
which makes everything worst and you even hate her more because we are in the same college and class everyday.
you like or don't like you still have to suck it up!

I don't like ur college friends.
why?
they teased me
they said i ugly
they looked down on me
they even commented to look at myself before judging you.

what did i do?
i never stop you from being close or friends with them.
all i did was defending myself and protecting our relationship.
yes, i told u i hate ur firends like most of the time.
what to do, i just can't help it.
ur friends are much more worst and fucktup than mine.
they can't think and they are some fucking fucktup balless pussy asshole.
stranger come disturb you and htey did nothing. balless baskets.
i admit.
i only likee one of them.
but i hate all of them.
so fuck it.

when ur argueing with me, all u care was ur ego.
ur face.
thats why for the last 21 months.
i always give up in fighting with you
i always give in cuz i dont wanna fight with you
it'll make everything worst.

since you said its a fact that im childish and im ugly.
forget it la.
we're over.
dont have to post those emo stuff.
you hurt me too much.
this is the time where i can't take it.

you cheated on me
with my own eyes i saw you saying 'love you too' to him.
skyped with him infront of me
you even have the intention to meet him. you said in twitter - i just wanna meet you, why are u doing this to me?
am i not good enough for you?
have i not given much for you?

you hide things from me.
and now saying those words in my face.
forget it.
we're over.
once and for all.
try to pull me back?
yeah you can, but my broken heart says no.
cuz it hurts me so bad that it knifes my heart down so deep inside me.

i'm done.
im just donee with you.

Moral's Community Service.

2010-10-24T14:43:00.003+08:00

Yesterday went to an orphanage house in puchong for moral's community service.
Morning went to college met Gabriel, Cwei and Nat.
We already started laughing so bad in the car. HAhaha
Love the fun we had all the time. Haha
then throughout the orphanage time, i thought we had fun more than the kids did.
we did the clay decoration, Cwei's cups. LOL and also did cards deco with them.
While doing it, we had paper fight. =.=
which my hair can bounce off those small crumpled pieces of papers being thrown on to my spiked hair. LOL
Everything's done and everyone's happy. time off now for lunch and what so ever.

Next, we decided to go Tropicana City Mall.
while on the way there, Gabriel drove my car and he sucked! HAHAHA.
he love left side so much untill he drove over the left line, like from puchong all the way untill tcm. =.=?!
and while parking time, i screwed him jokingly and everyone started laughing our ass off including myself. HAHAHAHA. LOL.
we laughed like MAD COW. LOLOLOL!!!
then, HAHAHAHAHA..! i couldn't stop laughing when i thought of it! HAHAHA..
so, hahaha!
then, LOL.
after walking awhile we decided to eat at the top floor, i guess.
i've no idea about that place cuz that's the first time i went, ampang boy - thats why. =p

i'd label this as the best part of the day.
After putting 2 spoon of minched chicken rice in my mouth, there's this little kiddo with pempers ; around 1 year old plus which can walk but can't talk.
He suddenly cried alone just right at the corner where we ate.
No one helped and his parents wasn't around.
Credits to Natalie cuz she stud up first and walked towards him.
I was afraid to stand up and help him, i don't know why. I just don't have the guts.
Maybe I need encouragement from people to push me. Sigh.
But anyway, my confidence was built after Nat went for him, so the kid kept walking while we persuaded him but no results was produced. Untill Nat forced me to carry him, then he stopped crying.
YES, i carried him and he stopped crying.
i'm like, WOW..! i'm a DAD. HAHAHA

So, we brought him down to the first floor where Nat found the counter that they could help.
and i would call this the 2nd best part of the day.
i was carrying the baby, and i told guy A that "ada orang hilang anak" while guy B talking to another woman at the counter.
So guy A told guy B that ada orang hilang anak while i was bending down to comfort the baby,thats why he didnt see my face.
And when i stand up while carrying the baby, He went "You hlang anak?"

i'm like OMG WTF.
MY FACE LOOKED LIKE I'M A FATHER ARH?!
WTF'S WRONG WITH YOU?! =.=?!

so i gave him a wtf looked for about half a second. HAHAHA
it was damn funny untill it embaressed me that i myself cant laugh it out loud. LOL
maybe because i was still worried about the baby not reaching to his parents. Damn sad.

but anyway!
i still wanna give guy B more of my wtf face?! like... =.=?!
I hilang anak?! My ass! =.=?!
but anyway, still LMAO! LOL
we waited for about few minutes then the parents came.
The mum doesn't look worried at all, instead she looked more like excited to see her son. =.=
anwyay, i hope you will learn ur lesson by looking out more of ur own son.
i was so pissed at you auntie. Take care of him and raise him up to be a useful person.

So, we went back up to finish my lunch.
while eating, my hand right hand was shivering while holding the spoon. =.=
cuz carried the heavy baby from top floor to ground floor. =.=
urgh.

anyway, that's all i wanna blog about la.
then at night we went yam cha and dinner lo.
nothing much.
adious.

awh yeah,
to view pics, go to cwei's facebook. =D

Daddy

2010-10-13T22:34:00.002+08:00

dad went check up.
doc found a blocked arteri, so they gonna fixed it.
then done, gotta stay a night in ampang puteri hosp.
bro and i visited daddy, looked exhausted.
haiz.
i just hope you'll always be great in every aspect.
get well soon daddy, you gonna be alright.
we love you.

stress

2010-10-07T00:07:00.006+08:00

im having excessive stress inside me.
i can't think properly.

the first thing was you,
you were ego the whole time.
you knew i dont like ur friends untill i die.
then why must you kept mentioning them reconmend about bb?
since they wanna talk about bb.
i dont give a fuck cuz its their information.
and you should know why i kept on dont wanna listen to you, kept on bang you back.
its because of ur fucking ego inside you.
you think everything ur friends and you say is right, and im wrong?
have you ever fucking thought of it?
have u fucking realise how the conversation went?
no matter how fuckup the chat was, you will still emphasise on you and ur friends's information about bb. FUCK THEM la weyh. how many times must i tell you?
awh yeah,
and me hurting you?
fuck it.
ur ego brought this up, you off the web cam twice without any fucking reason and u expect me to call you?
wtf?
eh, please la
get everthing right first.
i'm done saying all these advice and craps.
you should know me and urself well.
i'm sorry if i hurt you like how i always do as a stupid fucktup bf.
i'm sorry okayh.

and you,
i am not siding any of you.
so don't say im on her side.
im trying my fucking best to make peace for both of you.
i had enough okayh.
as a friend, none of us wanna see both of you that way.
no one dare to speak up to help both of you.
at least i tried cuz i dont wnana have friends clashes around me.
at least i tried, i just dont wanna see ppl like that around me.
like fuck.
i'm sorry if i hurt you or said anything wrong.

This is like the first time i break down cuz of too many things to be stressed with.
i really can't take it after wj told me to let it all out.
i dont find anger inside me to let it go.
im just too down, thats why i broke down . haiz.

when im in this condition.
i only want a hug from you.

trust

2010-09-18T13:19:00.004+08:00

how am i suppose to trust you when you did those things to me?
you hide 3 thins in a week.
and it happened 2 or 3 weeks ago.
after what you've done to me for the past 3 months.
have you realised what you've done?
please, you wouldn't want me to list it down.
deep down you knew what you did that hurt me so bad.
in the end, i still took it easy because i wanna get over it and it is also because i love you very much.

1 thing im asking for,
put yourself into my position as a guy, as a bf.
after what your gf did to you for the past 3 months.
and 3 weeks ago, she hide 3 major things at the back of you.
did things at the back of you.
how would you feel?
you think its easy to gain my trust after 3 weeks? after 3 months?
don't you think its hard?

i'm not some bastard that can recover so fast. no one could.
each time you gain my trust, you have to spoil it every month or once in 2-3 weeks every month for the past 3 months.
what you did, deep down you know it.
i'm not banging you or jerking you.
im trying to explain to make you understand how i felt.
it doesn't matter, you will still assume that i bang you and scold you.
whatever.

To trust you,
i have to force myself to trust you,
not willingly.
that's how i felt each time you online.
i felt horrible.
i felt you might chatting with him behind my back everynight.
who knows?
i told myself that i can trust you and i will.

put yourself into my shoes.
that's all im asking for and i wont say twice.
try to understand my feelings.
i do love you very much.

sick

2010-09-17T02:01:00.000+08:00

awh my god.
im suffering right now.
my stomach doesn't feel good.
wanan shit and vommit.
shitted.
haiz.
now im very cold even though i switched off my air cond.
i having fever and i know it.
because its my body.

nevermind la.
for you i will sweet heart.
im here for you. mnuahx!

College

2010-09-12T21:19:00.004+08:00

i'm glad to say i found people and friends in college that i love.
they are the friends that i'm looking for.
Awesome people.

and Van.
if you're reading this.
i don't know why i hate giving u my blog link.
i just HATE!
hahahaha!

i felt so gay revealing my inner site to you. urgh!
LOL

Adious Lio.

education

2010-09-04T21:16:00.002+08:00

okay.
for electives in my second semester, i took marketing and human communication.
marketing lecturer is very good. very energetic. look forward to it.
hope everything goes fine!
ms renee teaching us and i guess i'm fine with her. =)

loving human comm each and every moment.
love the lecturer, loads of humour.
classmates is pretty awesome.

well, can't judge the subjects for the first week.
so, so far so good la..
we'll see how it goes for next few weeks. =/

have to start working hard already. haiz.
not giving up.
not wasting anytime.
keep pushing Lionel. =D

love

2010-09-02T20:58:00.002+08:00

God,

please, i beg you.

i need help.
i dont wanna suffer anymore.
its been too much for me.
sometimes i just feel like killing myself.
i can't breath smoothly anymore.
im very tired.

please,
show me a way. i'm begging you.

love

2010-09-02T20:43:00.005+08:00

i was tired today.
very tired.

right after class at 330.
msg you.
i couldn't believe that you said not sure whether to meet me or not.
wtf man.
you have no intention or initiative to meet me or to ask me to come to mv.
all you did was told me you're at mv.
wtf?
then oni you wanna ask me to come or not.
you think i what?
toy arh? want me come dont want me to come.

Have you ever wonder how i felt the way you msging me?
have you realise the chat how foolish am i being treated?
not telling me that ur giong,
not asking me if i wanna come,
saying not sure whether to meet me or not when ur actually in mv.
what the fuck was all these?

and the best worst part was when i reached, the plan was go home.
WHAT THE FUCK?
you should have just told me earlier right?
so that i dont have to fucking walk all the way from car park untill there then walk all the way back there.
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?
dont you have fucking brains to think?

PLEASE LA,
CAN YOU BE IN MY SHOE AND FEEL ME ARH?
DID YOU KNOW HOW FUCKING DOG I FELT ARH?
COME HERE GO THERE.
TELL ME WHAT TO DO, DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO.
HIDE THINGS FROM ME.

WHAT THE FUCK MAN?!

did you even fucking have any idea how i was feeling?
i wanted to cry so badly because i was very very tired and exhausted.
i cried last night because i can't take it.
i really can't take it anymore.
after what you did to me and treating me untill last night. i really cant take it.
today was even worst.
i almost burst into crying when i met you cuz i was very san fu.
i was fucking tired and fucking pissed at you.

fine fine,
i cooled down.
i never say a word in the car because i am very exhausted, i am not angry.
i am very frusfrated after all these things you done to me.
i just dont feel like talking to you.

i felt like a dog being called back and fourth to do things.
i felt like a baby or a begger being lied and things being hidden from me.
i dont feel like im ur special 1 after being treated this way.

i dont feel like talking to you
i dont feel like chatting with you

i feel like hell right now.
i dont know how to face you.
each time i wanan face you
i get very emotional
because im very san fu and im very scared of getting hurt.
im very tired being hurt too.

about calling me childish.
that hurt most.
right now, i chose to ignore you.
i dont wanna talk to you
im just tired.
I DONT KNOW HOW TO FUCKING FACE YOU...!!!
haiz, i dunno la..
you have been stressing me out all the time.
doing all these fucking things towards me.
you said you love me.
why are you chatting with him everyday since i ask for break up?
you should know why and deep down you know it.
dont you ever fucking feel guilty with things you did to me?
then why u kept hurting me over and over again?
if you not tired of hurting me.
I AM TIRED OF GETTING HURT,
seriously, i am.
and i am just done.

and about changing prof pic.
please la, i wanna change doesn't mean i dont wanan be with you.

to tell you the truth,
no matter how suffering i am.
i still wanna be with you cuz i love you.
and now im suffering like hell.
i dont know what to do with you
i dont know how to face you.
im very frusfrated la..
i cant breath at all.

i am not gonna emo in college.
not like the first sem.
the first sem i emo like hell and you should know why.
thats why i have not much friends in coll.
FUCK MY LIFE LA...!
seriously, what the hell?

i love you every fucking each of my heart and soul.
why are you doing this to me?

='(

i can't sleep

2010-09-02T01:09:00.004+08:00

haiz, plan to sleep at 1145, now its 115am already.
haiz..

you know what,
i give up one you la..
im just tired of getting hurt..
im begging you la..
i tired of getting hurt untill tears coming down..
i dont know what to do anymore la..
i really dont know what to do..
should i just keep fighting and expect the expectations from you?
or should i just give up and let u do whatever you want.. which means i dont wanna care a single thing about you..

honestly,
you always ask me if i dislike you or dont love you..
i hate it when u ask me that..
im telling you now..
i love you with all my heart and soul and i wanna be with you forever..

do whatever you want la..
im tired of getting hurt and telling u whats right and wrong..
i dont know la.. haiz..

i dont know what to do..
im begging you..

First day.

2010-09-01T21:35:00.002+08:00

First day of 2nd sem was pretty cool but never the ending.
plan to wake up at 7. so my alarm rang for 1 whole hour only i got up. Lol.
i had burger while driving. LOL.
damn cool. hahaha. omg wtf.
so reached coll around 920.
went to class and saw melissa and nicholas, thank god i have friends there!
lecture was pretty cool.

ok im lazy to blog now.

bla bla bla.. everything was cool except when i went back.
I jam at HELP parking lot for 25 mins inside there ITSELF.
wtf. 5pm, so should be expected la. haiz.
so when i was on the way to elevated highway, there was jam too.

one bastard school kiddo with bike bang my left sided mirror.
nya ma hai.
i hon that bastard he looked back and ride away.
son of a bitch! go screw yourself you bike bastards.

i took 1 h and 30 min to reach home.
im fucking tired and pissed now.

NIGHTS.

bad

2010-08-10T23:02:00.002+08:00

im sorry for everything.
i just feel bad , too bad already.
i just want you to forgive me.
i dont wanna see you like that.
i want you to be happy.
haiz..
i dont know how to chat with you cuz inside my heart right now its like a stone blocking me breathing..
i feel really bad.
and im sorry.
i cant help.
im very sorry.
=(

eldest

2010-07-29T04:11:00.004+08:00

what the fuck did i do?
all you gonna do was just scold me, complain and all the fucks you can do.
how the fuck shuold i know the car alarm rang whole night causing the batt died.
the neighbour didnt tell me but they told you.
how the fuck should i know.
everyday for years ; all you do is just fuck me up when i do wrong.
scold me, screw me. what u wanna fuck me up summore?
each and every single mistake, even a small mistake.
you screw me, scold me, fuck me. whatever you're unhappy with me ur just gonna fuck me up.
wtf?
being a elder brother doesnt mean you can fuck me upside down.
im so fucking sick of ur attitude la..
can u just go fucking fuck urself?
can u look at urself in the mirror?
can u realise what u do is wrong?
can u fucking realise as a brother you should be fucking me up each and every single thing i do? instead encourage me or give me some constructive statement. wtf man..
fine la fine la..
go fuck all you want la..
you wanna fuck me then fuck me la..
i dont know what to reply you when u fuck me..
all u do is scold scold scold..
have you ever encourage me on anything?
have u ever say sth good towards me for my own benefit?
have u ever fuckign realise that?

i seriously dont know how to live with you.
im so envy looking at other siblings going well with each other.
seriously fuck ur attitude la..

eat - never wash ur plates, just leave it htere..wtf? is that showing a good example of a elder brother?
drinks - after drinking that glass of water.. you leave it on the dining table..wtf? you do it like everyday? dont u fucking realise that?
have you fucking lost ur mind? do you know how fucking pissed i am towards you?
pee and shit - after you done those things, fine. sometimes you cleaned it up. you flushed it. but some times you just dont give a fuck about it and just leave it and covered with a bunch of tissues? what the fuck was all that? being a good elder brother?do you know how fucking disgusting that was? especially when i wake up every morning.. i see ur pee unwashed.. what the fuck!?!?! that is fucking smelly!!

do you know for past 2 years, i cant take it.. i cant take you..
i cant live a life this way..
i felt like moving to another house..
now i feel like moving to another house..
i rather live by myself..
seriously fuck you la..i am so fucking sick of ur attitude..
just fuck off la..

i know.
you did alot of stuff as a elder brother
take care of me.
helped me.
ALOT.
but!
sometimes ur attitude towards me are just not right!
have u ever figure that out?
ur the eldest
doesnt mean you can fuck me upside when however and whenever you want..
fuck you la..
i seriously wanna move to some other place to live la..
just fuck you and fuck off la..
fuck arh

Foundation in Arts.

2010-07-25T12:58:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was my worst nightmare.
I forgoten about the certification for examinors.
totally out.
so when i reached at 710.
saw john and duke.
john told me about it.
if u dont have this u cant sit for the exam.
i freaked out.
i was shivering.
then i borrowed john's lap top, go back to pusat bandar and hopefully there's a printer shop opens on saturday and before 8.
unfortunately no.
i was ashamed.
i felt so ashamed.
i lost all my pride and dignity being a student and myself.
when everyone looked at me, i wanted to break down somewhere no one with me.
cuz i was so ashamed by myself.
i was so scared to live infront of them.
i don't wanna show my face to them anymore.
they even laughed when they knew about it.
those faces, haiz.
so then, i called my mum for help cuz i was so scared.
so my mum told me just go to the exam hall and see how first.
so at 750, i left pusat bandar and went wisma.
when i entered the class, the lecturer said "you may start ur paper now."
obviously i was concerned about the examinor slipt.
i was hoping that no one checks about it.
once i started doing english paper.
i felt so reliefed.
everything's fine.
but to tell you the truth.
i felt so useless, ashamed, no dignity and prideless as a student and being myself : Lionel Chooi.
I felt like suicide.
when i was so depressed that time, i wanted to break down and i want you so badly.
all i want is you ; you knew me best, you knew who i am.
before i enter class, i wanted a hug from you and just break down.
cuz i was really scared.
i just need you to comfort me.
all i want is you, no one else.
i dont know who to find.
i dont wanna find my college friends because i was utterly ashamed, i lost myself.
all i was thinking and feeling was a hug and cry ; i was utterly afraid that i can't enter without the notification.
So when i was doing my Engish, i screwed up my conslusion for essay - only 1 sentence for my conclusion because i have insufficient time. haiz. that 1 sentence started when lecturer said time's up.
After that, i went down to rest or drink sth before next exam. So i went with Aaron, i was quite comfortable with him. Then, taken brunch. went back to library.
There's when i msg you, cuz i felt so depressed and i seriously need you in my life.

Lesson learnt.
Make sure you get updated with every single thing.

Be there for me sweetie.
I need you in my life.
yes, i need a companian of my life.
you're not only my companion, you're my everything.
you're not some assshit companion but a special 1 to me.
its up to you to trust me or not.
you have not only been a gf to me, but seriously, you have been everything to me ;
my life, my wife, you comforts me all the time, you're the best for me.

haiz.

Sweet Heart

2010-07-10T15:48:00.002+08:00

Sweet heart,
im gonna blog here cuz its in my own feelings.. and i felt comfortable posting it here..
and i miss you..i'm not being emo here but im just expressing myself.

Happy 18th Anniversary in advance sweetie..
i dont wanna blog on the day or a day itself before our anni..
just wanna let my feelings out now..

well, things have went wrong for past 2 months..
i was very broken when i find out what happened.
they'll went wrong.
and im sick of it..
in past 2 months..
i always doubt that i should be with you or let you go.
honestly, my mind said go away from you just to make me feel better. carefree basicly.
but, my heart was stronger than my mind.
each time i thought of that, my heart told me to stick wiht you.
cuz i really wanna be wiht you so much.

After what we've gone through, all the challenges, ups and downs, you broke my heart, i broke yours, i still stay strong to love you.
i would never wanna leave you. This is because i remember what we went through was priceless.
since Jan 17th 2009 untill now.
the day we holded hands, hugs, kissed, dates, expressed our feelings together.
every arguement with you untill the limit that i cant even take it.. i chose not to leave you.
cuz i know every hard challenge will make our love strong.

i read Fiona's and Yap's blog.
well, i agreed with Fiona.
its a hormon playing game.

i know you asked urself, who you really really love.
you will eventually know who you love inside ur heart, a face tatooed inside it.
im happy that you came back for me.
=)

After what happened, im sure our love will be stronger like last time or even better than before.
a week ago, you hurt me. A major one.
well, after that you showed some actions that you really trusted me and loyal and have faith towards me.
i was glad.
i am very glad.
ur actions made me feel that you're back towards me like last time.
even though some of the things you did, seriously over the line.
i still forgive you.
you made me had faith believe and trust in you back.
remember?
yes, its true what Fiona said.
i gave up.
cuz i was really tired.
i still come to you because i seriously love you like last time.
i dont know why, i still have some feeling and some stuff that's in my heart kept telling me not to gave up on you and have you back in my arms.
that feeling was huge; it made me never gave up on you no matter what happen.
for what you did, i can trust you more now.
i have faith inside me towards you, just growing more and more and more.

Currently, lets just go with the flow.
We can't change the destiny.
Destiny will always lead to 1 road.
Lets enjoy and have fun with ourselves.
make more sweet memories together.
i hope everything that we do will increase our faith together.
make more memories and feelings to remember.
this will help us improve our trust and feelings.

~lock of hearts~

=)

2010-07-07T23:06:00.001+08:00

love you nic.
so much. =)

long day

2010-07-03T02:14:00.003+08:00

fuuhhh
its a friday..
usually class finishes at 930am..
but today had extra and replacement class..
so..
it was pretty tiring..
had fun and laughters during maths class..
it was fun to put things back of my mind and try to enjoy the present..
all of us were like making fun of 1 person, joyee.. hahaha.. even teacher also joined us! Lmao..! hahaha..
and vicky kantoi! i took a pic of you sleeping and tag the whole class..! hahaha..
so after class, went yam cha with ritesh, pavin and yap..
then went back home..
its already 7 after i showered..
so i slept..
the wierdest thing was...
i slept at 730.. woke up at 830..
i was sweating on the whole bed.. as if i played a futsal match..
so i went for a quick shower just to clean off my sweats..
so i went back to bed! AGain..!
this time i slept upside down..
head at bottom..
afterwards, woke up at 10..
saw sweetie's msg was at 930..
felt like last time though..
each time i slept, then wake up and saw ur msg..
i sure kan cheong and try to reply you asap..
haha..
but anyway..
it was wierd and awkward chatting with you..
cuz i didnt feel like it cuz of what happened..
its still inside my heart, scar.
so, i was just trying my best to get rid of the feeling and chattign with you nicely..
i hope i did, but i knew i barely did.. haha..
dont care la.. lol..
well, you said you felt more comfy if i was there with you in the 2nd last msg..
those stuff you said..
made me feel better a little..
if you keep on say stuff like that maybe i'll feel better in the future..
well, you'll never know..
everything and anything can happen at anytime..
not putting on any hope but just go with the flow la..
i'll always love you..
i promised..
i'll be there for you no matter what happens..
i hope i did last week, and i'll be there for you in the future.. always and forever.
love ya sweetie..

traumatised

2010-07-01T23:32:00.002+08:00

im dead
i dont know waht to do.
i dont know how to speak to you
i really dont know what and how should i do
i dont know.
i guess
im not gonna care about anything anymore
cuz i really dont know what i should do
im just gonna sit down..
dream
think
and think and think.
imagine.
with
restless eyes
opened mouth
and stare at a spot

sigh.

miss you

2010-06-30T23:58:00.003+08:00

i miss you..
sigh..
i dont know how to tell you..
i dont know why i dont wanna tell you straight foward..

i think maybe cuz i wanan avoid the unwanted feeling..
so dont care la..
im just missing you so much..
haiz..
i miss you nic..
i miss you very much..
i wanna hold your hand then hug you..
sigh..
i miss you lou poh...

happy

2010-06-28T22:24:00.002+08:00

so..
you don't seem to care to solve to probs or even be frank..
well..
so i also dont care la..
just be happy go lucky..
go with the flow..
so im being happy now! no more emo and no more seriousness..
carefree!!

well..
today my college friends said im different..
haha..
i like that..
i was like..
the hair?
pants?
face problem?
sperm problem?
haha..
naaahhh...
it was my attitude..
my character..
i dont know why..
i seemed happy today and can get to go along with them..
cuz normally they said when im emo or sad or depressed like 1 whole month ago..
i made them sick..
i made then depressed too..
i was like..
omg..
im that big influenced? haha..
so..
i guess today i was just carefree..
i think im gonna go on like today for everyday..
i felt..
carefree..
nothing to care..
dont care..
its like ffuuuhh..
just study..
well..
i studied today..
but.. couldnt do it..
cuz it was computing principle.. and it was also cause i was a little upset by what happened..
but..
dont care la..
just study study study..
get good results..
enjoy college life..
awesome..!
gosh...
love this happy feeling..
the last time i got it was from high school...
haha..
love myself bitch!

change

2010-06-28T22:04:00.001+08:00

okay..
no more talking anything about us..
nothing at all..
i know you don't want it..
so..
i'll shut it then..
don't worry

everyday

2010-06-28T17:25:00.005+08:00

i came back home, but i turn a big round to reach my house.
i need someone to comfort me..
its you and i know it..
i don't know how to approach you..
i don.t know how to ask you..
i just don't know..

i just don't wanna be the old me..
who just fear everything..
afraid..
low confidence..
i just dont know what to do..

i'm just gonna put everything behind my mind..
and im not doing this alone..
and you know you have a big part to put in..

i won't question you what you did even when you have free time but i didn't get ur msg.
you should know what to do, and deep down inside,
you know it.

i trust you.

random

2010-06-26T03:15:00.004+08:00

sorry for using blog...coz i donno where else to post...as i know if i blog in our blog is kinda dangerous..coz alot of ppl will be reading and i dun wanna write it in my own blog...sorry yeah...after reading ur fb mail again, i just realise how hypocric ppl can be...once they can tell u tis and at the nx minute they can tell another thing to the other ppl...totally the opposite from wat they tell me...is like...wt is ur intention la now?? u say u are my best fren but from wat i am seeing, u are nothing bt just a sweet high school memory tat i ever have...

and right, i dun feel tat u are really helping here...reading the conver tat u guys had, i feel tat u are merely jadi batu api rather than helping lor...the problem wif u is u are telling diff things...to me and to bby...wat outcome are u expecting from us act?? break up?? well it seems tat way to me...maybe i am being emotional...but after anaylsing wat u guys discussed, i've come up wif tat conclusion...

so hard to tahan den no need so susah la. . Just break then . No point to continue the relationship if the rest of the day is only gonna bring pain to you. do u possible think tat is wat a fren should say arh?? gosh...wth was tat man?? wat are u trying to do now?? break us off or get us together?? wtf??

Better still, dont think at all! wat was tat again...i know u are trying to make bby felt better...but me?? u are whos fren now?? mine or his?? wtf??

she ask you to do something to win her heart back ah? wtf! why the situation like you're the one who cheated on her? She funny man!
But Nic my fren,so you made the decision! hahahahahhaha.. Get me?
your fren?? i think i've reach a point where i dun feel like i am even close to you man...

if she continue den just break la. Cant stand den don't force yourself. as a fren, arent you suppose to ask us to hold on?? wat are u trying to do here man?? how many times must u ask us to break off?? wat u said to me and wat u said to him are totally diff...as a fren when lio losses his mentality and u still hav one arent u suppose to guide him...arent u suppose to tell me wat is happening?? DID U EVEN TELL ME U GUYS CHATTED LIKE TIS IN FB?? u said in college onli...NOT FB...wtf man...

if she continue den just break la. Cant stand den don't force yourself. ..................You also. . let another ppl come in to your world yea? wat was tat?? break la? dun force urself?? gosh, i am ur fren leh... and u are encouraging him to break wif me? wtf?? wat are u doing??

are you sure babe?!! i know la u call everyone tat...but he is my bf...no matter break edi or not he is still my bf...wat are u tryin to do or prove here man??

Oh, so u decided to get back together? why ah? at tis moment do u think its still appropriate to write why arh?? why we get back?? why cant?? coz he love me?? as simple as tat??

and lio, thou i did many wrong things tis 1 month, but wat u are doing is not really good either...hav u ever tell me tat u chatted wif her in fb? hav u even tell me u were tis close wif her?? tis is all tis i found out myself...i didnt talk tat much when i was in mmu coz it was late...and u should know tat i wont put a fullstop right just there rite?? a bf tat had planned to hurt the gf from the start is.............................. (fill up the blank urself would u) and a fren tat supported wat the fren's bf is doing is not a good friend either...meaning to say u wanna let ur fren get hurt huh?? wat kinda fren are u?? from now onwards, u are definately not my fren anymore...i know lio u will say its not her fault...but...still...a fren tat willing to see their use to be best fren get hurt?? sorry la, i rather hav 10 normal fren rather than having 1 fake fren...and doing things behind my back?? end of story...the end...FULLSTOP!!

~nic_2610{92}~

traumatised

2010-06-23T20:37:00.002+08:00

need you now.
i need you to comfort me now.
i dont know how to approach you.
i dont know how to ask you.
im just scared.
im really upset
im very traumatised.
i need you so badly.
comfort me please. =(

untitled

2010-06-16T09:46:00.002+08:00

look..
i cant accept whatever you did to me..
i told you..
i gave you chances..
over and over again..
did you realise that i dont even care about you after what happened?
before i didnt know what happened..
i kept on holding you too tight..
in the first place..
why must you hide everything from me?
why in the first place you must lie to me?
why must you say yes to him?
didnt you think of my feelings?
i know im repeating this shit over and over again..
but im just trying to explain okay...
okay fine..
i forgive you..
i gave you second chance..
but did you treat me well?
did you even msg me?
now ur the one who cheated on me..
not i cheated on you..
therefore you're suppose to treat me better than before..
not demanding more from me..
i didnt wanna care much to tell you anything cuz i wanna see what actions you will do..
why must i msg you first?
why cant you msg me?
i didnt msg me cuz i gave you chance...
i see whter you take it for granted or not..
like i said..
treat me better... i need attention and care from you..
did you do better?
no you did not..
instead you demanded more from me..
you wanted me to msg you..
please la.. dont you realise what your doing?
if you say i kept you in a prison..
like how? what did i do?
the reason why i asked loads of quest cuz i wanna know more from you..
cuz ur my gf.. and im ur bf..
i wanna know whats happening there and are you okay or not..
maybe its too much..
or maybe it is way too much..
but like we said..
we are couples
we should share stuff with each other..
but did you?
you got a choice to be honest with me..
did you?
you got a choice to tell everything to me, to share everythign to me.. did you?
dont tell me i didnt give you any chance..
i told you to prove me that you deserve the 2nd chance..
fine..
i didnt do anything..
the reason why i didnt care about you..
cuz i want you to feel like how you didnt care about me..
did you even ask about my stuff?
have you ever asked what you doing?
how you doing in coll? how are you and all?
have you?
have you ever care about me nor my feelings?
honestly.. ask yourself..
dont blame anything on me..
blame everythign on urself..
your actions leads everything here..
not me..
im not gonna take the blame about this..
you are..
get the bigger picture first before speaking..
there's once you told me he cant sleep cuz of what i posted on ur wall the first time confronting to him..
have you ever thought of how i felt as a bf?
have you ever thought that i cant sleep? i cant eat?
all you think is about ur feelings and his's. me?!!!
what about me?!?!!!
this is unexpected from you..
from this kind of person..
if you're like the bitchy ones.. that have loads of bf background.. and you say yes to him.. it doesnt surprise me..
but its you!
everything was unexpected from ur kind of person..
ur kind..
ur nice.. sweet.. know whats right and whats wrong..
but have you lost ur mind?!
enough said la.. what happen happened..
i dont wnana argue with you anymore..
before breaking up..
i gave you chance to explain and tell me everything..
you didint..
instead after breaking up oni you wanna explain to me everything..
know what..
too late.. too bad.. no point..
clear everything first.. see the bigger picture before you express it to me..
enough said..
im done...
i wish and hope that ur life with jpa will be brighter than before..
hope everything will be fine and will go straight for you..
i hope you learn ur mistakes..
and me..
i learnt my mistakes too..
hope somebody will accompany you all the time and is better than me..
smarter than me
taller than me..
presentable than me..
everything is better than me..
i hope somebody will be there for you..
to talk to you and stuff..
i wish you and ur family all go well..
ur studies.. even though you will not be going for ur dream coll..
its okay..
you have brighter future..
a confirmed job..
whatever it is..
go enjoy ur life..
do whatever you want..
if you dont want anything to know about this.. too bad la..
its my feelings..
not like you didnt talk to him to let out ur feelings right?
anyting la...
do whatever you want..
just enjoy whatever ur doing..
life is full of downs..
its YOU to bring it back up..
no one else can do better than you than urself..
YOU decide everything..
YOU choose..
if you wanna look down on me..
go ahead..
i dont give a fuck about it..
i know inside ur heart hurts like hell..
inside my heart it doesnt hurt much about breaking up..
but i hurts alot to know that you said yes to him..
thats all i wnana say..
im not gonna express my feelings anymore..
just tkae good care of urself..
whatever problems you have..
ur friends back in kl will always be here with you..
dont say ur not connected..
its YOU to choose to be connected or not..
dont blame them for not finding you..
dont blame urself..
realise it..
see the bigger picture and understand it..
so..
i wish you all the best then..
im finished now..
take care always and i believe you can go through all the undertakings..
remember..
YOU decides everything..
choose whats best for you..
you have every option..
wish you have a bright future ahead..
take care..
dont go under the rain..
and be fat.. you're super thin.. eat more.. drink more..
cuz i wont be saying all this to you anymore..
so take good care of urself..
chao nic..!

always here

2010-06-07T22:18:00.003+08:00

i'm always here for you.
whenever you find me.
i'll always be there for you.
i love you.

i can't tell

2010-06-05T03:22:00.009+08:00

you said he pissed you off.
what is it?
"i can't tell"
thats what you said..
what is so secretive betweem you and him..?
its totally nothing personal at all..
if you treat me as bf..
you should tell me everything..
this thing is about you and him..
wtf is so secretive?
you promised me to tell me about it today..
i didnt wanna bring that up..
cuz i could care less already..
i dont wanna care about you already..
im sick and tired..
you want attention..
you need me..
im here..
im always here and i'll forever be there for you..
everything i did was for you..
but how about you?
did you give me what i want?
everyday i post sth on ur wall..
did you even reply?
i only want attention from you..
instead other of replying my wall post first..
you replied his's..
you replied him twice..
then oni you replied me..
i dont know what is ur problem..
i gave everything..
i tried my best to do my best for you...
all i want is just attention from you..
i've not been getting any from you..
and you know what..
im tired already la..
i really dont wnana care about you...
its worthless..
all i want is just you to be safe and happy..
i didnt get anything in return..
furthermore you're hiding something and everything from me..
trust me..
you promised you gonna tell next time.. or whatever time it is..
you'll never ever gonna tell me the truth.. you will never...
you lose my faith trust and believe in you...
i dont know what else to say..
at the moment..
i just could care less about you..
i will get nothing..
nothing from you..
don't worry..
i will always do my best to give my best for you..
i always give everything for you..

you lose my trust
you lose my believe
you lose my faith

you lost it..
i dont know what should i do...
since your hiding stuff BETWEEN YOU AND HIM...
forget it la...
i dont wanna care...
all i care is about my studies...
i really dont wanna care about you...
i've been worrying..!
i've been caring..!
i've always been making sure that you need me all the time..!
i've always make sure you're happy!
i've always want you to be safe..!
and ur hiding stuff from me?!?!?!
im done la...
i really dont know what to do...
i cant describe the feeling inside..
its just too pain..
imagine im hiding something with another girl about relationship...FEEL HOW I"M FEELING..!!
im done...
im really done with you...
you disappoint me again and again..
anyway..
life goes on..
which means i'll keep on make you happy, comfortable, and i'll always be there for you..
which also means i'm always gonna get hurt by you which you're gonna hide everything from me..great..
i seriously felt disgusted and pain..
and now...
i really dont care..
im done..
since ur doing this to me...
im not gonna care anythign about you...
its just too hurt...

no matter what i say inside here..
i hope you would think
how i felt
what made me lose faith belive and trust to you..

and no matter what..
i will still love you and i wont break wiht you.. dont worry
if you keep hiding everything from me..
and you always make me lose faith believe and trust..
i might have to ask for break up..
cuz whatever i do for you..
i get nothing in return..
cuz whatever i do for you...
i be there for you.. caring for you...
you will still betray me..
hiding everything..
i dont care if it hurts me or what..
i dont care
i just want us, the couple to share stuff..

its just hurt so badly..
dont say ur sorry..
i dont want that..
you should know what i want..
and i love you so much sweetie..
i love you so badly..
i love you likeh hell..
i love you like shit..
i love you like till infinity..
i just couldnt belive ur doing this to me..
it hurts like how i love you..

5201314

my point is..
no matter what..
i will always love you and our lock of hearts will never break.
my love to you is endless and infinity.
okay sweet heart?

disappointment

2010-05-29T02:57:00.002+08:00

I knew something was wrong after all.
knew you were hiding sth behind me.
its true.
i remember you said,
whatever it is, must tell you everything, must update you from a to z.
but how about you?
did you play ur part?
did you tell me from a to z?
do you know how that fucking feels?!

to know that you're always with him.
to know that you asked him out before.
to know that you didnt msg me when ur free cuz you were spending time with him.
do you know how that fucking feels?!
i dont mind if you're spending time with him everyday.
but, you have to be that busy?!
like everyday during your fucking break you didnt msg me cuz you spend time with him?
every night you just send 1 fucking msg saying nights love ya and thats all?
you had a fucking break for 1 hour and you spend the whole time chilling with him and not msging me? do you know how that fucking feels?
dont you ever thought of msging me properly like how we always fucking used to?
and avoiding the msg 'msg you later?'
its like you're saying that as if ur going for a fucking holiday.
go there have fun and done.

so now you get why i am fucking pissed off at you?
i never get so fucking pissed off and fucking hurt before this.
i guess i'll have to be prepared for the worst then.
im not saying fuck to you.
i just cant hold myself.
im just so fucking pissed and hurt...!

anyway,
im not gonna advice you on anything.
you're wise enough to think whats right and whats wrong.
hope you wake up and realise everything yea.

have fun and enjoy life each and every moment to the fullest.
which means, i dont give a fuck and i'm only gonna enjoy my life, and ofcourse enjoy it when im with you. meanwhile, im still enjoying my life without you. not saying that you're not important but, you're something in my heart. something melts inside me. something that makes you be my first priority in my life. you're my everything in my heart.

my morale dropped twice this week already.
working myself out positively.
Take care
be positive
confidence
belive in urself that you can do it.
dotn care about others.

study, do assignment
study, do assignment
study, do assignment

Backbone

2010-05-25T22:45:00.001+08:00

hate it when my back hurts.
F

every litle thing counts

2010-05-22T01:04:00.004+08:00

Sweetie,
sigh, i'm abit heartache here. i mean alot.
every litle thing counts.
i posted 2 stuff on ur wall.
you ignore.
suan posted one on ur wall.
you chat with her this that this that
you're willing to reply what she msg you.

finally its true what you said.
you lazy wanna reply.
its okay
i understand
once you think of studies, no feelings for love already.
its okay.
i'm just abit heartache.

well,
i know im suppose to expect all this.
and every litle thing counts.

to be honest, i am seriously hurt with ur actions.
i know to you its just a simple stuff and this that.
but every litle thing counts.
i felt so unwanted, unloved, and etc.
it hurts so much.

but, i know. i understood.
its jpa and its ur life, ur career.
you wouldnt talk anything else other than ur jpa stuff.
thats why u didnt 'like' my post to you rather you 'like' that guys's post about jpa.
well, to be honest im a bit jealous for what you've done.
i jsut dont feel comfortable.
i dont know la.
i jsut miss you so much
and i just love you so much.
i cant stand ur abandoness towards me.
it hurts so badly.

furthermore, i dont know whats happening to you
i dont get the details.
i dont know how you feel there
i bet ur friends there know hows ur condition better than me
cuz we haven't been chattign much to each other
especially ur details.
ur condition
ur feelings
what u been up to
anyone flirts u or not
if yes tell me please
express urself towards me
i jsut want u to be comfortable.

i dont know how long i can stand all this.
i just wish this wouldnt happen or i could just put this aside.
i just love you so much.

anyway
life goes on.
get on with it.
whatever it is, go on with it.
gonna do everythign with confidence.
with hope in my heart.
and go for it.

i dun like u

2010-05-03T03:22:00.003+08:00

i dun like you...

tats why i am here to destroy ur blog...

bluek...

and dun tell me u love tis layout arh...

~nic_2610{92}~

Hopes

2010-04-26T03:28:00.001+08:00

Wish you all the best.
Hope you get it.
If not also get on with life.
go foward, don't look back.
don't give up.
go with confidence inside you.

Brother

2010-04-16T19:51:00.003+08:00

Thank you for helping me today.
i appreciate it alot.
i'll repay you back the correct way, not by washing ur plates.
that is wrong.

i'm just sick of you being the king in the house.

as a little brother,
when i have the chance to bang you.
i will never, eventho sometimes i reached my breaking point.

by showing my appreciation doesn't mean i have to wash your plates.
mum and dad have been washing your plates and do you even fucking care or feel bad about it?
i felt bad when you ask me why didnt i wash ur plates.
i definately felt bad.
but i knew by repaying you or showing my appreciation is not the way by washing ur plates.
haiz.
i felt so dissapointed and sad and heart broken.

sometimes you do thing its just not the correct way.
sigh.

Brother

2010-04-11T16:50:00.002+08:00

I hate waiting for you to wake up and accompany me to drive to college.
i woke you up so many times and you were pissed about it. F.

I lose concentration and morale when you keep on screw me all the time.
The way you scolded me is not the right way.
you scolded me as if I did something wrong very badly.
you never encourage me about anything.
just kept scolding and scolding and scolding.
i know my mistake, its okay if you scold me.
But you did it the wrong way.
Don't have to show ur anger.

Can't you just calm down and tell me my mistakes instead of scolding me?
Must show ur anger and scold me isit?
TELL me,NOT SCOLD me.
Encourage me to do better.
know why i drove so badly?
its cuz of you.
you were never patience.
I just drove for 100m then you scolded me already.
Fine, I'd rather perform to you that i drive better.
But no,
even i drove better you still not hesitate to scold me where's my mistake.
Scold and scold and scold and scold.
whatever la.
I dont give a fuck already.
yes, i showed my anger after we reached home.
you said since small i was like that, fucking attitude.
how about you?
have you ever looked at yourself?!
have you ever fucking feel bad?!
feel bad when you always treat mum as maid?
wash ur plates and cups each and every single night after dinner?!
wash the toilet and mop ur floor when you were sleeping in the noon even tho you realise it?!
have you ever fucking feel bad?!
have you ever helped mum?!
have you ever iron ur own clothes?!
i came home yterday night, the clothes were not folded after putting it under the sun.
mum and dad went out. you were at home whole night, watching tv where as the clothes is just beside you.
end result?- you were lazy to help.
you treat urself a king in the house.
when i finished my plate or didnt bring down any empty water bottles.
what you do?
screw me, told me to bring down.
instruct me to do this and that.
how about urself?!

LOOK AT YOURSELF BEFORE INSTRUCTING ME BRO..!

FUCK...!!!!

P

2010-03-15T22:28:00.002+08:00

okay... there's a mosquito bite just right below my left nipple... hahahahahahahahhaa...!
nahhh...
nothing much... this post is about once in a lifetime post..
Had my driving exam today...
was so freaking nervous in the morning...
reach the exam venue at 830am...
my turn is in the 2nd session.. which starts at 1130am...
was so freaking restless that i can't even open my eyes.. i hate sitting down without moving...when i sit down too long.. i must move... but i cant...later ppl though im a monkey walk here and there...moreover later my sit will be taken...so just bare with my restless mode..
then sweetie msg me...fuhh...suddenly she gave me some words of confidence... there is where i usually get of with confidence when i do some task... need a word from someone...then im pump!
so the first session finished early..
then my number was 38th..
sat at the pondok B for half an hour...
then it was my turn...
i was talking to myself in the car before doing slop...
whispering i mean.. cuz the window was open...i cant talk to myself loudly...haha...
so i whispered...c'mon lionel... you can do this...screw everyone...im gonna pass this shit... press the accelerator u ass! concentrate! so... yeah...
i passed my slope...hahaha...

After that sign the paper and bla bla... go for parking...
i was full of confidence after doing slope... i was rushing... but i kept myself calm...took my time and did not bang any pole...

succeed 3 point turn...then thats all la...

on the road...as usual...chilling oni...

so next thing i gotta do is submit my picture, a photocopy of my ic and L lisence.
i'll get my P lisence soon... pretty excited but i'll keep myself calm... not a big deal...
its just once in a lifetime thing...

thank you Nicola sweetie

Backbone

2010-02-20T02:39:00.002+08:00

Its been a long time since i update about my fractured backbone...
this is sweet...

dont think im fully recovered...
never felt the pain when i wake up every morning...
but i certainly still felt a little pain at my back...it hurts alot...

i get nervous talking about this...

everythign will be fine...

=(

its alright

2010-02-17T23:36:00.001+08:00

Everything's fine.
If you need me, just let me know.
I'll be there for you.

it has been some time

2010-01-09T18:37:00.003+08:00

It's been sometime since i blog. Well i feel better that to post everything in my blog and let those feelings out inside me.

First up, my family. Sometimes dad, you're just an ass. You hit our dog as hard as u can. You have daughter of a Bitch out there. You never though of mummy feelings. Sometimes i just hate you. I just hope to be open minded with you. But I couldn't really do it with you. I'm a grown up. Don't be too lame pls. Have you ever made mum happy? me? brother? Happiest moment being with you was our younger days. Go for holiday with one whole family. Especially going to HK. I really enjoyed it and i love you Chooi's. But no one talks bad about my dad except for his son. I also gotta say that you've been a great dad for me. But not a role model. I still prefer you to be my father even though you did many shits. You're still the best dad to me. I felt ur love, I felt you're care, I felt ur love towards the family. But currently i wouldn't say whether you have the best responsibility towards the family. In anyway, you're still the best and i love you with my whole heart for my whole life. I love you daddy. My best wishes are going for more holidays and going movie with whole family.

Mummy, You're the awesome and the best woman i've known. You feed the family. You pampered us. You care for us. You have the love toward us. You never give up and kept going on. You understands the family. You did so much for me. You're my heart and my soul. You're the only person who influence my spirit and my heart. I will never give up and i wanna make you proud. Proud of me, brother and family. I love you mum. I will give the best i could. I will never give up. You'll forever be in my soul.

Brother, sometimes you just have to keep ur cool towards me. Even thou both of us know each other not so well but we still do know each other pretty well. It means we should be more open minded. I am jealous looking at other ppl who has brother and they gel together pretty awesome. No one could break our bond. I will always stand up for you and i love u as well. You're still the best man in my soul. love u bro.

Hey Nic, its ur turn! You excited? haha. Anyway sweetie, just wanna let you know that i love u just the way you are. Not what you are and not what you have but who you are. Gosh! i don't know what to say anymore , because i already express my love in so many ways. I know that you knew me best and you knew how much i love you from top of my head through my brain , forehead , nose , cheeks , pinky lips , tongue , neck , arteries , lungs , kidney , ass , akhem... , hairy legs , toe , toe nail , soul and last but not least Lionel Chooi Yue Mun. I always knew you love me just the way i am. You'll always be in my heart and soul. I love you lou poh.

Friends, after what i've gone through with you guys. I can never forget and I will never lose you guys. Especially my classmate , council and also my schoolmates of 09. I love you guys too. You asses gave me spirit , confidence , love , happiness and not forgetting gayness towards u guys. Love you ppl. Also my other girl friends , haha . I don't love you guys but i like you guys as a friend. You guys should trust me u know. I'm a very very good friend. I never do bad things. I'm just.......great... you know...right friends? hahahahahha.... but anyway boy friends or girl friends they are just the same.. i love you guys and i will never forget what we went through... i love it...especially with my boy friends... im missing you guys already...

Im not a religous type of person but i still belive in God. My religion. My race. My God. Well guess have to pray infront of you. Not here.. =.= God also =.=

ok la...that's about it... last but not least.. I love myself, Lionel Chooi Yue Mun...

I love you

2009-12-21T02:16:00.007+08:00

i love you..
been looking at our pics.. while listening to what a catch,donnie by fob...
at the same time..
i was touched and hurt and guilt and regrets in me..
all these will spurn me better in the future.. only if i do it and not just say it...
emotional unbalanced..
dont know what to say..
dont know what to do..
just want you to be happy..
you did enjoy today...
i like...
just wanna be better... be good... be great.. be the best...
i cant be the best... but... i'll try...again and again and again..
i had fun today... honestly... i love today... i really do...
i can feel my love heading towards ur heart...
its okay if i dont feel yours...
just want you to be happy.. that's all...
=D
and there you go..
you enjoyed!
its the nice thing to see.. =D
my life... i love you...
nvr goes down easily with my knees...
comes back up with the heart and better than before...
always push my knees to stand up...
never let my hand nor heart to fall down...
for you...

pointless

2009-12-19T03:58:00.001+08:00

everything was pointless..
lets start all over again..
i'll feel the pain..
dont worry..
happiness is with you..

haha

2009-11-30T22:18:00.002+08:00

just a short one...
tomorrow im having accounts paper... shit!! i hate it!
im having backache... the part where i fractured my backbone...shit!
maybe sit too long... phobia already... damn!
i wish myself some luck for tomorrow's acc paper...
good luck lionel...
and others as well...
chao!

Don't Let Me Go

2009-10-17T15:46:00.003+08:00

I can see your shadow lying in the moon light
I can feel your heartbeat playing on my right side
Every night I long for this, making up what I miss
I can hear you breathing, letting out a sad sigh
You tried so hard, to hide your scars
Always on your guard

Don't, Don't Let Me Go
Dont make me hold on when you're not
Don't, dont turn away
What can I say so you won't
No dont, Don't Let Me Go

I can see the skyline fading in the distance
Tears are coming down now, I'm trying just to make sence
I don't listen to the radio, just the engine and the road
I wonder if my words are making any difference
I dream and then It seems to end
But always comes again

Don't, Don't Let Me Go
Don't make me hold on when you're not
Don't turn away what can i say so you won't
No don't, Don't Let Me Go

I'm coming down to where you're standing
I need you now or you'll be watching me hit the ground
with the crashing in

Don't, Don't Let Me Go
Don't make me hold on when you're not
Don't, Don't turn away what can i say so you won't
No Don't, Don't Let Me Go
Don't Let Me Go
Don't Let Me Go

No self-esteem

2009-10-06T22:49:00.003+08:00

no more self-esteem...
i mean sometimes i do but sometimes i dont...
spm's around the corner...
well... just have to tell myself no more self-esteem...
be the one who i really am...
show off what i am...
show off what i have...
speak up...
fight for all competitions...
do not give up...
always have believe trust and faith...
no one can take my heart away from her and im not gonna let go of her heart too...
love my family
love all my friends...
scout friends...
classmates...
school mates...
chinese'z...
indians...
malays...
other races... lol...
love u guys...
love my sweet heart ofcourse...

be myself as always as i am...
making fun of ppl...
care for them...
love them...
think of how they feel first before i do...
dont do bad stuff...
enjoy life....
never acted cool and will never do so infront of girls..... cuz its dumb and shit....
just have to be myself...

show off myself...
show off my capabilities to acheive something...
never say die spirit...
show my love to families relatives... chinese'z and Buddhism...
show of capabilities to keep sweetie's heart...
tell myself that im the one for her...and im the best in everthing for her...
love everyone like how i love my life...
but love my life first before loving others...
protect urself before protecting others...
do whats right for urself...
you have all the choices in the world...
choose the best choice and do whats right...
face your fears...
nothing is imposible...
dont give up on anything...
have fun...
enjoy life...
everything has its limits...
always have believe trust and faith in yourself...

dont be ego...... i learned that...cuz everone is ego in this world... so im just gonna be myself...
i am who i am...

i am Lionel Chooi Yue Mun...
Lionel Chooi basicly... lol... =D

Campfire

2009-07-19T03:49:00.003+08:00

well... right now im using Kim Foo's lap top to blog...
now its 3.50 in the morning... after yam cha with the boys in bukit bintang..
dont know why i dont feel sleepy.. but tired ofcuz...

It was a great night... very very good night...
were pretty nervours and mixed emotions tho... lol...
reached school at 415 after breakdown at museum telekom...
was very very nervours...but full of confident...
well... at 6... registration started...at that time i already sweating all over...
so we started around 750...
got up with speeches...Rajalingam officiated the campfire and did the fireball...
love the fireball.. thanks to Christy's council and all of us who helped prasanth...
the fireball was very very very superb awesome...
after that went on with mr lee's speech... he screwed up our agenda by roll calling each and every troop... argh!!
okay next... is my speech... damn... i didnt prepare anything.... i was like...
hey... good evening everyone here and there....our theme tonight is yesterday once again... whatever it is... u guys just have fun and have blast.... lol...
then slideshow... Bryan Chang purposely screwed up our slide... he just put in 20 seconds wording... damn... but at least he helped for the programme book... it was awesome...
after that... we moved on with games... suppose to be dance by the boyscouts...cuz they didnt have much time to prepare... so game went first... it was family chair... went pretty well tho...
we were damn panic cuz the agenda ran out of time... it was too fast... very too fast...
so after dance... we did interaction for 30 mins to fill up the time while rovers thought of some random quiz... haha... but it was cool tho...
after that was me doing the mc... kok huah was too panic...and gotta prepare for his live band...
they did it for 25 mins for 4 songs.. which is check yes juliet.. dear 'muneira'...21 guns and thunder... all 4 was awesome... next then is duet acting by ritesh and firdaus...i was the mc and coordinate the mexican wave tho... haha... was very cool... everyone understands it and laughed throughout ritesh and firdaus's act...
after that was games again which is love tunnel... coordinated by me and ritesh...
was pretty cool and everything was smooth tho...
so they prepared for RA...
everythign went fine... RA is the most important act just now...so we went on with RA...
everything was smooth... they took their time... did all sorts of stunts... and last after that was souvenirs presentation... i presented it... lol...
we started it with VI...
purposely salute longer so that they lai yeah.. lol...
did that to every troop tho...
at that moment i was very very superbly happy... untill now...
so then we packed up everything,.. went yam cha,, chill around... and untill now... blogging this... haha...now is 415 lu... kinda sleepy already... lol...
and another thing...
to my sweet heart... sorry about that friday... it was our 6th month anniversary.... we didnt even meet nor chat along the night....im really very very sorry....
just wanna tell u that... 6th months is a very very long time.... half a year already.. its very sweet...we shared knowledge and experience arguements and happiness together...
we faught here and there...but lets just forget about it... dont care... just enjoy and have fun with current time... wanan be happy with you at all times... even we know that someday somehow we'll argue.... lets just cherish the time being... dont wnana really lose u....
about not coming for my campfire... its okay... i understand...i also didnt want u to be alone...
seriously if u come also i wont even have 5 minutes with u... a minute can la... lol...
but anyway... u did supported me... not alot... but u did support...
u said everything will go well...and it did...
love you very much sweet heart....Nicola...5201314...

okay then... im done now... gonna pee... then sleep...
i had awesome night!

Last but not least... i'd like to thank everyone that attend this campfire... its around 400 plus...
wanna thank to my family for suppporting me in everything....
my council.... we did it... after 5 years we finally did it...
johannians... u guys made it... u guys came and made it happened...
rovers.. who helped the main performances which is fireball and RA...
and never thank CK Chan which talk cock most of the time....

gtg chao!
will upload photos later on...

Feeling uneasy

2009-07-12T18:14:00.005+08:00

Today.. feeling restless...
lots of things going through my mind...
stressed with Bryan with the programme book...
campfire is just days away...
im getting nervouse....
hopefully everything will go well and nothing negative will happen...
i just dont wanna chat with anyone today...
i just wanna be alone... no one... and just me...
im very veyr very stressed out already....
i dont wanan think anymore...
just wanan sort out slideshow...preogramme book for my campfire and performance for my iu day....
this is getting hectic... from tomorrow onwards we gonna stayback everyday untill 6pm...
no more other stuff... just have to really prepare for the 18th July...
i just dont wanna talk to anyone today...
dont feel like talking... no mood...
guess i need friends in school to cheer up tho...
i need confidence from them in order to have confidence in myself...
i need something like... 'cmon Lionel... you can do it...'
but now i just no mood to do anything...
yesterday went CHS gathering...was cool...
pretty tired...
argued with my gf... dont know why also... maybe she's just cant chill for a little stuff... or maybe i cant do something as a bf as what she wanted...
well... was thinking of you whole day tho...
im very very tired already...
this whole week is just campfire and iu day is in my mind...
nothing else...
im really stressed out...

Please dont rain on this saturday...
hopefully everything will be done with confidence and everything goes well...
All the best...

Genting Trip

2009-06-28T22:29:00.006+08:00

im fine..... =)

2009-06-22T21:56:00.002+08:00

hey... Yap.. sorry about today shouted at you... didnt mean to do that... was just stressed up after memorizing my ulbs...
been busy thinking of campfire and iu day and my studies...
campfire is really stress...
alot of stuff to think and have to decide everything...gosh...
iu day is not moving!!
lets move our ass! its just few weeks left!
lets just get things moving and work it out...
i think i improved my studies..as i should be and i did...
the last term i got for sej is that i failed my sej!
this term i got A2....?!?!?!?!!! i couldnt believe it... hard work paid off anyway...
est got A2...and one more forgot which subj that i got another A...
but i was very unhappy with my math and bi...
both also got B3 and B4...was very upset about it...well... all i have to do is work hard...study smart and not regretting after getting exam results...
i wouldnt wanna feel regret cuz i felt it...its the worst feeling in life...
awh God! mayb you bless all of us and give me strenght...
im very very very tired... just have to work hard and keep on working hard!
and pls! dont rain on my campfire and iu day! pls dont rain!
just have to pray!
hope everything will be fine...just fine...

fucktup school day

2009-06-16T22:53:00.004+08:00

okayh... wtf with joining with campfire and iu?
wtf now?
join la...i dont mind...
not joining... i dont mind too...
i dont know la...just too stress on to me...plus i just got my stupid exam papers and plus these stress...
ppl just dont realise themselves... they think they are great...but they are not...
they are just a dumb fuck...
its not good by calling me short...i dont mind...cuz im expecting it in this real world...
you can tease me short...i still can joke with you...
just dont named me shorty...i fucking hate it... and summore you have to be the one that knew me for years...ur a fucking bastard...
without realising the truth and u straight away called me that way...
without realising the truth which makes me pissed off at you...
cant u be patience and try find out the truth?
seriously... you're a fucker...
its just that u know me so long all these while...for years u knew me...
you never called me that all these while...
with all these stress up on to me...
questions being asked which is in my head right now i still couldnt decide...
with u calling me that realling not nice...
thast why i kept telling fuck here and fuck there to you guys...
i was just being patience...u were just in ur own world which u think you're great...but ur just a fucktup guy...
just wake up and realise what u are la...you are no one...
dont walk like you are so great...
dont talk like you are so awesome...
youre just a fucktup guy?! dont you fucking realise it?!
just be urself would you?! you only know how to talk cock! but dont know how to fucking do it!
just looked at urself in the mirror...its a fucktup face...
i dont mean to scold you guys like that...
its just we were sitting down together then all these questions came up to me..
plus that fucker's attitude...its just stressed me up la...
i would love to be patience and i did...
at least i didnt scolded u guys over the line...
i just have to let it go la...
i wouldnt have let it go by saying fuck words to you guys if that fucker called me that way...its just pathetic la...

2009-06-15T22:31:00.000+08:00

2 weeks of holidays

2009-06-14T22:27:00.002+08:00

okay.. where to start... the first week of hol...on saturday... had scouts... troop meeeting... i think its the 3rd troop meeting tho... haha...it sucks.. lol...so what we did was awefull... i dont know why they started at 9...no activities... just talked cock... then Yuva and i presented campfire plans to the seniors... headache la they all...asking this and that... clown like that...lol...after presented it went back with sweetie after her acc class...on sunday...didnt do much... went tuition...came back...had bm tuition...

on monday... went to school...had campfire meeting...Wilson Yuva Cockgula Edward KH came and we drew banners...as usual... we knew each other for years...share stupid jokes...haha...after that went yam cha with them lo... then oni go sweetie's house...go there also chilling oni.. talk shit... haha...lol...then at night i dont forget what i did... haha...lol...the next day..
tuesday...sweetie had acc class... after that we went to bk and eat...after that...went back...enjoyed the day with her tho... talked shit kinda alot... haha...on wednesday...i forgot what i did... haha...so nvm...
on thurs... went dating with sweet heart...had fun tho... haha...she was beautifull in my eyes with her yellow shirt... fuhh...first time i saw i was like...omg...shes a beauty... hahaha....lol...whole day had fun with her...im very happy... hahaha...happy to see her enjoying too...laughed here and there tho... lol...
then friday...i had campfire meeting also...after that went sweetie's house also... haha... and one week has gone just like that!

the next week on sat...what i did was....i forget what i did too... hahaha... cuz i enjoyed till the max and now i forgot everthing! hahaha...okayh...lets move on...
on sunday...went tuition i think...i forgot... haha...then bm teacher ffk... lol...
then monday already.... hahaha...okayh...then monday i forgot again what i did... hahaha...but mostly also i went school la... hahaha...
on tues...celebrated with sweetie out 5th month anni...haha...we watched dvd... had fun....haha...love hungging u from behind tho...=)

then on wed we went for a date again...when we reached ht...nonsence happened... haha...then we went to have breakfast at old town before movie...sweet tho...while we were walking... her shoelace were untied...i tied for her in borders haha...this is the 2nd time i tied her shoelace in ts in borders... haha... the first time infront of borders summore... lol...i know u blush... dont have to excuse urself... hahahaha...lol...then we watched hannah montana...cuz she couldnt decide the time when we choose 17 again... hahaha...thats why to ease the headacheness we watch hannah... hahaha...lol...but i think miley cirus-the climb inspire me to watch hannah... cuz i was interested in it tho... i dont know why! but im not sissy kayh... hahahaha...after movie...ate tapenyaki...with my spinning plate... the plate can spin damn it... even if i put it on any table... haha... ur fault...lol....then went back home lo....enjoyed our selves tho...love you... =D
on thurs and fri...i forget what did i do again... but on sat i remember...cuz it was fully packed...morning after sweetie's acc...went had lunch at mcd...sad la... have to let ur hand go...hahaha...then went to school... did the PA system... was on duty tho...then chilled in school untill 5 oni went back home... change in to scouts uni and ready to go to caunnough campfire...guess whos going! not me alone... Edward and i alone... hahah two of us... lol... power le... then Sarah, Edward's friend fetch us there...thx anyway...lol....then at campfire...registered ourselves... fees are 3 bucks...food... they had 1 currypup and 1 kuih...had fun in the campfire tho... haha... we played love tunnel...haha... then we had fun chatting with their teacher advisor... damn cool...she even asked us to sit down in the vip sit...to chit chat with her... haha... chatted about sej... hahah...edward and i was like....awhhh!! hahahahah... lol...had fun with her...shes a great teacher... lol...then after campfire... we realised that it was their first ever campfire...and seriously... u guys did a great job... it was happening...then Edward and i was lost... dont know how to go back... haha...we did asked ofcuz... then we took cab to lrt...then oni reached home...i ate chu cheong fun that mummy da bao for me... haha i ate it at 1 am... that was my dinner... haha... awesome huh... then pou tin wa chuck with sweetie at 230 till 5am only sleep...damn tiring wei... hahah summore next morning have to wake up at 830... haha....but it was a nice and comfortable conversation last night untill i asked what drink u want... hahahaha lol...
anyway...thast all la....i can say i did enjoy my hol...love everyone of you... all the best!!

A date with you =D

2009-06-05T19:52:00.005+08:00

woke up at 9am...
first thought... i've got a date! exited ard... haha... then... took a shower... keep in imagine what will happen later... haha... sweet huh...lol...took a 15 min bath...damn nice...then... wore my underwear... jeans...put on my belt and finally my shirt... i looked good! haha... omg... couldnt believe i praised myself damn it... haha....
after that...spray heong sui... lol... then oni gel my hair....not really gel... didnt really spike...just being original... lol...looked good tho... haha....i praised myself again! omg! hahaha...lol!
okayh then... played guitar for 10 mins like that untill 10....we planned to meet up at 10... so she'll reach station at 1015.. haha then...then sms her asking where how is she doing...she replied...after calling mummy she gonna leave the house...wow! shes on time! haha.. so met up at 1015 lo... haha... first time wei...lol...we should practise this u noe... haha....
then entered train... holded her hand first... but her hand was sweating... so nvm...so she looped over my hand... =) talked shit along the way to hg tuah lo...holded her hand while walking all the way to ts... sweet! =D
first thing first... went 711 bought mineral water and was so reliefed that can cool down cuz sweated after walking... lol...after that went to buy tix for night at the museum 2... then went to coldstorage to get her kinder bueno.. bought a set of 3... we sat down on the ground floor and ate 1 packet of it...i showed no examples to her when i just simply trow the plastic when a rubbish bin just 5 steps on my left... omg! she so good took it and throw it into the bin....haha... im so not good man... haha...this time i criticise myself... haha... lol!
after that...movie gonna start... so bought popcorn and coke until she didnt wanna let me eatand hug it...lol
while walking into the theater... i open the door for her....then we walked a few steps in... the 2nd step i walked in... i bang on to the wall... and she laughed her ass off... omg... first time emberass myself on a date with u... hahaha....enjoyed it tho... haha....
so then holded hands while watching movie... omg... reminds me of holding u in the cinema first time...awwwhhh! lol...
then when the movie strated 5 mins...she said... 'i love you lou kong'...
and i was like...omg! awhhhh! haha... lol... like how u predicted how i felt la...haha....
then whole movie...we hugged each other... YOU said.... i hugged u was really sweet wor... YOU felt that i wanna protect you veri much wor.... that was what YOU said la....see....you're lucky....ahem... understood la ha... hahahah... lol!
then... after movie... we went kenny rodgers...we ordered a plate and a drink of meal...this is sweet wei....we fed each other....i cut into small pieces....u fed me... i fed you....awwwwwww....hahahahaha...then there's this 3 lala sat beside us...we make fun of them... haha...when they checking out their pics in their phone... we saw those pics and were like criticising them and laughed... haha...damn bad wei... lol...
after that... went walk walk...to make her tou lam digest for awhile.... hahha.... cute!!
after that went home... then you and i know its enough la... haha....
conclusion.... WE had fun together...alot...totally awesome... holding hands with you all the time was awesome....everything was really awesome and sweet... plus cute too... haha....
i had a awesome day! awesome! love you sweet heart! =D

Fourth month

2009-05-31T16:09:00.002+08:00

Lou poh...happy forth month anni...i wished you now cuz i dint wanna disturb your sleep...you have been sleeping for another three hours...anyway...i'm looking forward to be with you in the future...i always say...no matter wat...we'll solve every problem and love each other no matter what it is...its ard forth month...we should know each other well...if we dont...try to know la...haha...lou poh...whenever you want me...i always want you to know that lou kong will always be there for you no matter wat...i'll give my soul and my best to you...lou poh...to me...we broke each other's heart before...its okayh...i know it'll recover...i'm happy to be with you...loving you is awesome...i learnt from my mistakes that hurt you...i really learnt alot from you...you even motivate me to study...tat's how i got my confidence...i really love you with all my heart...after all the months and days being with you...my heart is really cemented with yours...lou poh...ngo oi lei yat sang yat sai...

this is wat you sent to me during our fourth month anni...without realising it, we had already gone thru four month together...in this for month, we had realise tat we cant be without each other...we always want to be with each other...we really spent time to the max...haha...i really see you almost every single day leh...haha...

anyway lou kong i just want you to know tat in this fourth month i know tat you are the one for me...wat i said in the blog about hurting you, i had eventually stop doing tat to you...coz i know i do tat to you also no use...coz my heart had really fall for you already...so wats the point of doing tat to you and hurting you...rite???

haha...in tis 3 weeks, you had really proved to me tat you really love me...you accompany me everyday and lend me your shoulder...comfort me and give me confidence...try to make me happy all the time...its really touching by things tat you have done...you urself also having exam at tat time, but you still comfort me...haha...thanks lou kong...it really shows tat you love and care for lou poh very much...hehe...

you keep on asking me whether is there anything tat i dun like bout you...act there's 1...just always be honest wif me k...even the thing will effect our relationship...i dun want other's to know bout you more than i do...promise me k...

and bout wat you ask me ytd...do i feel boring of you being my bf??? honestly lou kong, no i dun feel tat way...its lionel chooi tat i fall in love with and ofcuz i wont feel boring just becoz we couple for four month...if i had choose to fall for lionel then i will fall for the boring lionel as well lor...haha...

aiyo is not tat i didnt laugh when you make jokes, just tat during exams i abit tension and wont laugh 1...haha...and last week, i was kinda busy and pissed at something...tat's why didnt laugh ma...but then ultraman lou kong manage to make me laugh wor...haha...so it shows tat you not boring lor...haha...hor??? anyway lou kong, you just need to know tat lou poh will always love you regardless wat k...hehe...

~nic:.2610{92}~

so long!

2009-05-22T19:07:00.005+08:00

well... its the month of May ard... so fast... just finished dianostic exam... now chilling... awhhh! many things has happened...i still have 5 months left to enjoy my last year of schooling life... thats short...gosh.... sad! lol...
campfire.... still have 5 weeks to go... thats fast... iu day... six weeks... lol... four months with my sweet heart... and spm! 5 months! awesome...lol...
i dont know how i did for my diagnostic... but all i can hope is that i can get high marks...i hope to improve and i will improve... not gonna waste time... must study everynight....wanna do my best not just for myself... but for my family...my friends...for everyone....
hrm... my family... my dad... mum... and bro...
love them...all i can do to repay back is to study hard... and get good results for spm....
gonnna go genting on 26th of june... we'll make that time to enjoy ourselves as family since hk trip... lol...all the best to my bro on his assignment...credits to 3 of them... for taking care of me very well... love you guys and will repay u back...
iu day? its in 6 weeks time... i hope it'll work and it'll be a succesfull one...want it to be awesome!
to my friends...yap ky mf bryan ed and many more... we'll work hard together and make it a succes...
campfire! 5 weeks to go!omg... gotta find money! once money is done...everything will be fino plan...hopefully....all my friends will come and not let me down....eventho i know you guys will let me down...just pray for me that 4th of July wont be raining and everything will be succesfull...to my council...we'll do our best for ourselves....after all these 5 years we've been together....and forver will keep in touch...
lou poh....its ard four months with my sweet heart....fourth month ard wei!haha...sweet!...things that we've gone really awesome...spent alot of time during the fourth month tho...this fourth month really see u like almost everyday... but not everyday... haha...always give my best to see you...each time u wanna see me... i'll be there to relief you... plus during exam week.... pity you... u really did suffer le....im reliefed too to be with you when u needed me.... cuz get to comfort you and you dont have to suffer most of the time...now...its really nice to see you laughing and smiling all the time...im glad! haha.... like i always say...whenever u need me... i'll be there yeah... =) not just to comfort you... but to make u smile and laugh too...hrmm... i hope there are more great and better months to come....love you lou poh =)

Liverpool FC... love you! eventho got 2nd place... its okayh... next and following season will be better...hopefully xabi alonso wont leave....plus i wanna play futsal! it has been half a dozen of months didnt play! argh! damn it! lol...

im done! =P

us =)

2009-05-03T01:44:00.002+08:00

you and i both....

2009-05-02T00:59:00.005+08:00

alright... lets start with 100 days.... haha...hrm... the general stuff i ard sent it to you and u blogged it... haha...and for me to elaborate and let everything out... =)

hrmm....i dont know la.... b4 couple le... i dont think you like me lo... cuz ive nothing for u to like.... haha... like u said... im ordinary.... haha.... lol....its like...i think u fall for me just like that lo... lol....i dont know la... i also fall for you just like that... haha...i dont know le... its like the more i chat with you...the more i fall for you...i also normally chat with other girls quite often what.... but... my heart goes to you... cuz it felt so... =)
kayh la...i dared you to go mcd to meet me... my feelings that time kinda friends only la... cuz first time meet ma... lol...then like the more i meet u the more i wanna see you lo... its like... fun la spending time with you...haha...kinda enjoyable too tho...lol....then we go back together also kinda sweet geh... cuz just both of us... i find it sweet when we go back around 4th time onwards... lol...omg... its like we started to go back togehter around oct... untill november lo...
i remember its a friday where we holded hands together before couple...i think its around the end of school le... lol... omg... i tell you....even now when i think of the first time we holded hands... my heart melts kayh... cuz too sweet hold ard... haha...i kinda like it also when we holded hands while arguing with my phone... haha... lol... cute le... its like.... my eye was on the phone but my mind was...'omg...im holding her hand! omg!' hahahahah... lol... damn cute wei that time... haha...lol...
okay move on to leng chai meen... haha... that was where the first picture i took of you... omg so sweet... haha... then i keep on looking at it everynight b4 i sleep kayh....stare at it and say.... 'haiz...i miss you... haiz....when la am gonna i tell u i love you seriously?' hahahaha...

one week b4 we coupled... i asked...what are ur feelings towards me...you answered...ur eager to chat with me... you like it every sec we chatted on the phone... ur main reason to online also is to chat with me...u cared fr me more than u cared fr ur friends...u treated me more than just a normal friend.... and last but not least... u said.... 'pls dont ask me to elaborate more' hahahhaaha.... lol....

first day i coupled with you le... i was like... omg... i coupled with her! hahaha....i dont know la... i know i didnt treat u as my gf the first month... i realised that... lol....at that first month...i told you i will prve my love to you... omg.... i really had the initiative to do so lo... hor lou poh? i proved it huh? say yes... haha... i dont know how i prved it la... its just stuff that i do which i dont realise that im prving it to you also... haha... even now...haha...lol...

second month i felt kinda nge song lo... you la... you and ur not sure....lol...i dont know la.... even you and ur not sure thingy... my heart still loves you even its kinda broken tho.. lol...i dont know la... like the third month also... its like... i said...i wont leave you... i'll be there fr you...for you i will...and i proved it...i dont know how i just did...whenever u dont have lunch... i'll always get it fr you or i'll always take lunch wiht you...i bet u didnt count how many da bao's ive got for you... haha... i didnt count it too... haha... lol...
whenever you have stayback... the time period while i was waiting fr you... i'll try my best to get myself to be busy lo... worst to worst als i gotta sit down alone in the school and wait fr you....alot of times ard lo i wait fr you....even we didnt planned and i still be there when u reached ampang... haha... u urself also said 2 days in a row... haha....last 2 days... i had tuition at ampang point... actually i wanted to chao ard... but i have the feeling that u are from that train... so i told myself... okayh....mayb shes there...okayh lionel... be patient... wait fr awhile.... see see.... omg... i really did meet you wei.... haha...then walked you back home... sweet le ur bf... hahahahaha LOL! =P

i dont know la... after all these while... i hope you will realise how much i give my best to and for you...like i said...i'll always give my best for you.... and for you Nicola... i will... i Love you lou poh... =)

okayh.. im done...Lionel... signing off with love to Nic...2nd May....3.30am...

100 days

2009-04-26T17:03:00.002+08:00

Lou poh...since the first day i like you...since the 1st day we met...since the 1st day you taugh me accounts...since the 1st day we couple...since the 1st day we holded hands...since the 1st day we kissed...since the 1st day we hugged...since the 1st day we french...since the 1st anniversary we had...since the 1st second month anniversary we had...since the third month anniversary we had...since the day i used to have you part of my life...since the day i need you...since the day i want you...since the day i would do anything for you...since the day i captured your heart...and since we are together for hundred days already...i never wanna let you go...your my everything ...my love to you is the deepest...Nicola... i love you...happy 100 days anniversary...

tis is the msg tat you just send to me ytd for our 100 days anniversary...honestly i was really sleepy waiting for 12 midnight...but then i was like...Nicola, chill...just wait onli la...and somemore i didnt write anything earlier to send to you leh...so i was like...ok wait for him to send then onli reply la...haha...thank god my dad is here to kakacaucau me so tat i didnt reali fall asleep leh...hehe...

ur msg is kinda heart touching thou...an ordinary one like you just right to have the capability to captured my heart...no matter how wonderful or how perfect other guy might be, but its you tat have the ability to melt my heart and locked it wif yours...lou kong, i love you...

honestly, i really cant believe tat we had spent 100 days together...its already 100 days you are in my life...and i didnt regret my earlier decision on coupling wif you...i really didnt...in tis 100 days, we shared happy moments and sad moments together...no matter how big we quarrel, we somehow will find a solution and stop the quarrelling...act most of the time is you tolerate wif me la...coz you said you dont want to see me sad wor...lou kong hor???

all the things tat you do all this while is really sweet...b4 we coupled, you holded my hand...honestly i thought i was the onli 1 tat blushed at tat time...but didnt noe tat you blushed too...haha...our 1st date...we camwhore for the 1st time...hehe...and took pic of us holding hands...omg i reali didnt noe wat to respond when you holded my hand at tat time...coz u were like just hold my hand out of a sudden...u make me sweat like no one else business leh...hehe...then in the cinema, we too holded hands...sweet...

way then you our second date...tat was the 1st time you kissed me...watch movie half kissed me...even in the food court oso you kissed me...haha...then 3rd date, on valentine...omg i lost my 1st kiss to you leh...but then you oso kinda daring geh to take my 1st kiss away...lou kong hor??? and remember our french??? no need to elaborate more la... you noe and i noe then can edi la...haha...

then there is once tat we go out and you tied my shoelace...omg i honestly didnt expected it...coz it was like, i was sitting down on the bench and was ready to bend down to tie edi...then suddenly you stood beside me and kneel down to tie it...omg...sweet leh...tat was like the sweetest thing you had ever done lor...

plus each time when i reach home, whenever i dont have lunch to eat, you will always get it for me...whenvever my phone have insufficient credit, you will always reload for me...till now, i really donno how much you had reloaded for me edi leh...and you will feel bad each time you didnt accompany me...just like ytd, u purposely come to mcd after you scout thing just because i said i wanted to see you...omg... realy gam tong de k...and tat time when you waited for me in ampang... you didnt even noe wat time i will finish my interview thing...but you just waited and waited..for 2 days in a row leh...coz you say you will never leave me alone...and whenever i palau you, you will just be patient wif me and still willing to chat with me despite on all the harsh words tat i said to you...despite on how i break your heart on all those things tat i said or done, u still be beside me and didnt leave me behind...no matter how much i said tat i hate you, you will still tell me tat you love me...no matter wat i want, you will still try your best to get everything done for me...things tat i dont like you will tolerate wif me...you will always try your best to understand me and know everything tat i want and try your best to fufill it...

honestly...before we couple, i really didnt thought tat i will fall for you...coz you are just so ordinary...but the more we chatted and the more we get to know each other, i had found out tat you are not just friend in my heart...you are more than anything else...your existance in my life had made my life feel more wonderfull and enjoyable...moments tat we spend together...i really cherish it and will always remember...lou kong, you truely are a good boy friend and a good lou kong...lou poh love you always...

happy 100 days anniversary...
5201314

~nic:.2610{92}~

third month

2009-04-26T16:16:00.000+08:00

Sweet heart...happy third month anniversary...its three months already...these three months made me dont wanna lose you...meade my love deepen towards you...made me trust you even harder...after all these three month...i hope we can solve every problem we are having now and in the future...whatever it is...we'll just be honest to each other...there'll be good times and bad times too...so whatever it is...i know we can solve it together...i said...no matter what happens...i wont leave you...honestly...my heart is really pleased when we meet together...not just that everytime we hold hands...my heart melted just a lil bit...but when i kissed you...my heart melted more than we holded hands...when we french...my heart melted more than everything...last but not least a hug and a whisper of i love you to my ears...is like the meltdown of my heart...i can really feel the love in me to you and the love in you to me...Nicola...i love you with all my soul...i really do...happy third month anni sweet heart...

sounded familiar??? tis is exactly what you send to me during our 1st month anniversary...haha...honestly this message reali melted my heart lor...somemore we did quarrel few days before our anniversary...seriously, i did felt bad for quarreling wif you...but it just like i cant control myself at tat time and just let everything out on you...hehe...

our third month anniversary is kinda sweet thou...ur diary is like so omg...haha...didnt expect tat you were so desperate b4 we couple...haha...things tat you wrote in the diary,really make me feel like...i am damn blur last time lor...hehe...its like its so obvious tat you like me tats why you ask me to teach you acc and have lunch wif you...but i was like...as a fren also can have lunch de ma...i reali didnt think till tat far lor...haha...

btw the reason i get you that gift is cause i dont want you to be so mafan...its like whenever you wanna drink water then you gotta rush down to your skool canteen and buy drink then gotta rush back to class...tiringnye...hehe...plus i see each time you come to my hse you also will bring the plastic mineral water bottle...lou kong, the plastic 1 not good de arh...so in order to make you bring water to skool and anywhere you go, i got you tat gift lor...1 for you and 1 for me...hehe...swt...

lou kong, i really enjoy all this three month beeing wif you...i really really enjoy spending time wif you...i really hope tat we will have more and more three months to come...lou kong, lou poh love you always...hehe...

~nic:.2610{92}~

Happy Anniversary Sweet Heart =)

2009-04-17T19:50:00.002+08:00

today... is our third month anni anyway.. haha...kinda tired cuz prepared stuff for family day tomorrow... lol...everything has been said during our chat in ur house tho... haha...and our diary...haha... so kinda lazy wanna type it here... lol...
anyway... just assume that my diary is ur pressie kayh... haha...cuz i planned like 2 weeks ago.. cuz ive no idea what to get u... haha... lol...
your pressie is cute and sweet... haha.. cute cuz i didnt expected that...mickey summore...hahaha....then red and black... lol....
sweet le...cuz i got what i wanted...one for you and one for me...haha red and black..haha...liked i told you...the stuff that i expected is not what i wanted...i mean...anything would do for me...my expectations is not what i wanted...lol...anything would do lo.... lol... i wanted just like what u got for us... haha... yeap.... us... lol..
lazy la wanna blog summore... tired la... haha... next time would me more lo... =)
happy anni sweet heart.. =) love you always...=)

our latest conver...

2009-04-11T23:46:00.003+08:00

like wat i had promised, after u post then is my turn to post...hehe...so here is it...

hrm our last conver was kinda heart breaking thou...although i told you everything but the truth is kinda hard to explain...1st i appologise for things tat had happened for the last two weeks...then bout me chatting wif wm...i am reali sorry for chatting wif him...just tat at tat time i reali donno who should i find and i choose to find him...i am sorry lou kong...then the flu part...tat time after u put down the phone i really donno wat happen to me lor...i listen to my mp3 then start to have flu lor...mayb like wat u said, u dont deserve to be treated tat way...but then i donno la...maybe its nicola and tat is how she treat ppl...when i have flu tat time, my mind keep on thinking bout you...the thoughts of us enjoyign ourselves...i reali dont wanna lose you lor...but at tat time, i kept on have the feelings tat i might lose you...plus things tat you said after you noe tat i have flu, make the flu lagi worst k...but then after the conver, i guess everything had gone back to normal lor...maybe after we let everything go on tat night then its ok edi ba...hehe...

oh ya...time tat we spend before coupling...omg sweet leh...its like i noe tat you like me but then wheneva i ask you tat you like me as a wat, then you will surely answer fren de lor...worst pat is you will say normal fren...damn heart broken de leh...its like i put quite alot of hopes when i ask you tat quest lor...then the answer was tat...omg...is it tat hard for you to admit???

during your last year year end exam, something happen to me(spotcheck stuff) i was damn sad lor...but for the sake of you having exam i realy diditn wanna disturb you lor...its like i realy wanna call you...but then i choose to dont disturb you...damn heart broken again tat time...coz i was expecting you to comfort me and not my gor...haiz...

remember tat time when we first meet in mcd, iremembered tat time you did hold my hand and tat is the 1st time you hold la...tat time i was like playing wif you phone...actually each time i see you also i will play wif your phone geh...hehe...swt...but then tat time you was like hold my hand and check wat was i seeing in your phone...omg 1st time we hav contact wif each other leh...hehe...

and honestly till now i still veri hard to believe tat you are my bf lor...is like till now i oso cant believe tat we are couple lor...1st is coz i told myself early tat i will neva accept you...but ended up i accepted...2nd maybe is coz u hav like 2 ex leh...so i though u might be the time tat wont be serious and wont stay long in a relationship lor...hehe...and lastly maybe coz i felt tat you are too good to be my bf ba...haha i am promoting you leh...

lastly, you just came in to my life at the right time...when my relationship wif him didnt work, u are there...although tat time you are coupling wif some1 else, but then the impression tat you left on me is reali good nd nice lor...ever since tat time i started to like you edi...but then coz like wat i said, you got gf edi ma, so just forget it onli lor...hehe...you chatted wif me like so many nights and sometimes thru phones oso...swt and then the 3 month b4 couple, we nearly talk on the phone like every sat lor and are still doing it now...seriously i reali donno how cum i got so many things to talk to you de lor...i remember the 1st few times when we started to talk on the phone, i reali can talk for hours none stop leh...and tat time when you came back fr hk, we talk till 6am lor...i reali miss you during the 5 day tat you went to hk lor...its like i reali wanted to find you de lor...but i cant...swt man...hehe...

anyway nothing to write edi la...longer than yours edi or not??? omg i am officially sharing blog wif you leh...hehe...last word, lou kong i love you...

~nic:.2610{92}~

You

2009-04-10T00:01:00.004+08:00

okay... lets start... where shall i start...
k lets start since we met k... hahaha.. lol..
hrmm... first time i knew about u.. your wierd.. haha.. no la... jk first... then oni serious... hahah lol!
okok...hrmm..actually didnt kinda like u for what happened during form 2... hahaha u noe... =P
so at the end of f3.. we became closer as in friends that time...

around february... i remembered we smsed each other at night quite often tho..
then we didnt do so for the following months and so on... cuz i know i'll be busy with alot of stuff..
i didnt even find any girls to socialise.. but sometimes i do find u...during midnight... whenever i stress.. or anything.. lol...
okay.. i dont know what im crapping honestly.. lol...lets go advaced... haha..

when i get to know u better....i liked u alot..
when i sms u 1 night.. i cant stop... i got addicted... haha... then when every sat night i call u... i got addicted too... hahaha... lol....at that time... ur a type of person that sensitive but not sensitive... hahah... kinda hard to explain tho... lol... its okay.. i'll tell u face to face... hahahaha
okay okay... lets go to the more advanced k... hahaha.. lol...

i liked the way we first holded hands lo... omg... damn sweet wei... hahahaha
b4 this still got alot geh...omg.... i holded ur hand and played with my phone.
while doing so u stare at me... omg! hahahaha sweet!hahahah love you

first month... i kinda still bullying u lo.. i mean i know that i treated u still like hw i treated my friends.. lol.. then 2nd month...i really treat u damn good lo... lol.. haha...i mean im not promoting myself k... hahha... lol....i can see the difference lo... difference in me.... lol...
now difference in u...during the 2nd month.... about the not sure thingy... its damn studpid lo... feel like screwing u oni... hhaa.. but then since u realised... i very gald ard... =D
so since then.. i could see the difference in you before and after...i'd love to exaplain it here..but its very hard to explain too..=)
third month... really spend alot of time meeting u lo... its like i accomany u go back each and everytime i got time.. lol...
u always asked me that if i mind or not when u always treated me bad...
i always dont mind... and u noe what i gonna say right...? limits and other stuff... haha.. lol...
i dont mind cuz thats you... i love you the way u are... Nicola is like that,thats why i love you.. ;P
trust me... i was dissapointed and hurt for what u had done recently... u noe....
sometimes.. the stuff that u do... i just dont deserve it... i really don't...lol..
make sure u think back in detail and realise it okayh... haha..lol...
furthermore... what we had gone through.. really fun... really awesome... really enjoyable being with you.. love every moment of it... yes.... each and every moment being wiht you...
moment b4 we couple... each and every night in contact with you....moments after we couple...anyway... dont wanna leave you... wont leave you... be there for you... =)
lou poh... i love you..=)

today... good friday... went out with you at ts.. haha... first thing i know is you wont be at lrt by 1030.. haha... knew it... lol...as i expected..lol...then i was quite happy that u didnt avoid from me the whole day...ahah esp when i holded ur hand in train... haha... lol...
next... in the cinema... sweet tho when u didnt let me eat popcorn-shows u cared.. and feeded me few of it...lol... sweet... then we ...... in the cinema... haha... sweet too tho... haha lol...
after movie... blowed ur hand.. like how i tied ur shoelace huh? haha.. lol...
lunch.. comes the worst part of the day.. my troat... awhh damn it... hate it....forget about it!! lol..
then walked with you to sungai wang and walked back... damn sweet lo.. holded hands... awhh!! hahaha.... lol...then in the train... holded again... then walked back to ur house...
omg! haha... 45 mins wei we did that... haha...i cant stop! i love you sweet heart! i really really do.. =P

and im done! haha...

~lio~

this two weeks

2009-04-04T01:54:00.004+08:00

hrm...maybe the more sleepy i am the more easy i will crap things out...haha...honestly lou kong i reali wanna apologise to you...i dono la...i just feel tat i treated u kinda badly tis two weeks...last week is coz of my so called tension and tis week is coz of my book checking tat is on nx monday... i realised tat i am like kinda fuyin you and abit palau-ing u...but seriously although i realise, i choose to didnt take any action lor...haiz donno wats wrong wif me la...plus last week itself oso quarell wif you like donno for how many times edi...i am reali sorry for hurting you or wat so ever...plus bout wat my fren said bout u tat thing...act i didnt reali care lor....eventhough those were negative comments...just tat i noe tat u are my bf and i am happy with you...others cant judge you coz they donno you...but i noe tat my lou kong reali love me de ma...hor...hehe...

how much i rate you??? act its still 88 la...i didnt decrease due to tat thing act...infact it didnt increase at all...it just stay at 88 for like 2 weeks...but dun worry la...i got faith tat u will make it increase back de hor???hehe

lastly i am sorry too coz i didnt comfort you nor make you distress when u find me ytd...seriously i reali doono wat am i doing tis two week la...my life for tis two weeks reali sucks lor...but then i can promise you tat things will be better fr today onwards...i am now in the process of getting everything back right...

*true words from the heart* lou kong i am sorry for keep on disappointing you tis two weeks...wateva sweet stuff you said to me i oso didnt respond...i was like kinda fuyin...i am reali reali deeply sorry toward you...i appreciate things tat you did for me...accompanying me go back each time you have the chance too is reali sweet of you lor...although u gotta wait for so long in skool but u are still willing too lor...there's act alot of good things tat u do to me tis two weeks...but i just didnt realise it...but dun worry...i am starting to think back edi la...haha...

lou kong, i love you...

~nic:.2610{92}~

i love you

2009-03-29T01:50:00.002+08:00

i love you
i love Nicola
i love you
i love Lionel

-lio- ~nic:.2610{92}~

What's Happening?

2009-03-27T18:20:00.003+08:00

So... its been a long time i didnt blog about daily life...
im gonna do it now.. lol...
its been very long time that i didnt blog about joys...
my council... their the best.. who supports and have fun together...
my classmates... malay chinese and indian...or any other races...
their the best... make jokes till no one's buisness.. we have the togetherness in us in doing anything.. lol...my family... my dad, mum and bro...
i really wanna have a family day out together... watch movie then have dinner together...
its been over years that we didnt have movie with each other...

I love to smile.. love to laugh.. love to enjoy.. love have joy!
i just gonna miss all these...im already having fun with yap,ky,edward,mf and so many more!
to pavin... your the greatest non-paria indian that ive ever known... hahahaha...
to my council.. i'll always have the best moment with u guys... knowing each other well and laugh at each other no matter what...to my gf... shes awesome...i enjoyed with her to the max!from loving each other and to arguing...lasty enjoy each and every moment we have... cherish it...when we argue... we always forgive each other.. when we love each other... we always can feel those feelings in us... =) Nicola... i love you.. =)

my hope...
is to get the campfire done.. my council and i put alot of efford in it.. we'll do out best for it and enjoy it as well...i really do hope that our campfire will bring joy to others and to us as well... we'll be 1 council and we'll always be...
Then... my spm... i do hope to do well in it... i know i dont wanna regret... so i better study well in it... its for my own future as well as to make our parents happy...to my mum...she cares alot about this family...eventho my dad is kinda an ass when scolding my mum... shes still be the best mum in the world.. to me.. lol...my brother.. i know he cares alot about me... but sometimes he treats ppl like his maid.. he's great anyway... my dad... hes kinda an ass... lol... but.. hes still the best dad to me.. haha...he raised me up.. cares alot about the fam..always advice.. for my own good too... so i wont let any of u down...mum dad and bro.. love you all...

lastly.. what i want is my fam to be healthy esp my mum...
and myself... having fractured my backbone once.. i dont wanna risk again..
its suffering for me to wake up every morning and feel the pain.. even now..
just feel like killing myself when feeling the pain in me... this injury to me really wreck my life...
no camps.. no rought activities.. no nothign ... argh! but i cant stand! i must go camp! camping is my life damn it! activities are my life! argh!
hopefully... i'll recover asap and not feel the pain... but i know i will...haiz...

We'll see how everything goes.. time will tell...there'll be bad times and good times.. just had to bare with it in anyway... all i can say is enjoy!as always... keep on laughing alright! haha..

~lio~

confused...

2009-03-26T22:57:00.003+08:00

hrm i reali donno la...i told you earlier tat i didnt wanna tell you about tis coz i noe this thing will happen...but u insist on wanting me to tell so i just said it la...i told you tat i didnt noe why i was angry and i reali didnt noe...its not either of our faults...but donno why my heart still feel angry towards you...when u say forget bout it before i go for dinner, i reali did...but then after my dinner, u said it again...i noe tat you need to say it out to release it...i understand...the reason tat i dun like you to keep on repeating is tat the more you repeat it, the more guilty i will feel...the more guilty i feel, the more i dun wanna sms you...coz i reali donno how to face you edi...i am reali sorry for wat i have said or thoughts about you...i didnt think negative bout you...i did b4 we couple, but after we are together, i didnt edi...up to you whether to believe or not...but this u gotta believe...

lou kong, i love you...i reali do...

~nic:.2610{92}~

It has been a long night

2009-03-26T22:24:00.004+08:00

its been awhile since we argued...
i have no where to express my feelings but here...
i just saw ur comment on my fb
i didnt wanan reapeat infront of u but i have to..
just to make me forget everything.. i know its damn annoying for u to listen for so many times..
even ur reading right now...
i just wanna express myself out...
u said... i didnt say anythign after i answer...
i was furious with that... cuz u didnt even find out the truth... i hate it...
this is the 2nd time i really hated u since yh make fun of me at ts..
u did not know the truth but u simply oni say ur thoughts out..
i know u always have negative thoughts in me.. its always okayh... just that dont be too much on it... every thoughts have their limits...even u didnt have negative thoughts on me.. its okay... i dont care...
the truth was u asked me a ques and i answered... then right after i said my last word.. ur friend was asking about the umbrella thing..and u didnt stop and walked off...edward and i even talked about it...i thought u didnt stop cuz of that... its okay... i dont mind...
but... when i got back home and around dinner time..
u talked to me about those stuff
i was really dissapointed in u... i really couldnt belive what u said to me...i didnt have the intention to make u feel as a stranger..
in my opinion... its just that ur thoughts are like that... thats why...i really have to realse my feelings here in order to forget about it....i was dissapointed... i was sad.... to hear what u said about what happened...after i express it here... i'll feel better... pls... just dont make any small matter into big matter... i know u didnt have the intention to do it...i really do... but im just telling...and once again...i kept on repeating the same thing cuz i jut wnana make myself forget about it... and everything stated here i just want u to know... everythign that i said b4 this...
everything... i just want u to know... thats all... im not blaming anyone...honestly... we really rarely argue with each other... but i know we did... each and everytime after we argue...i feel like continue to chat with u...if i really pissed off at u.. i'll just need sometime with my friends...as in cahtting with them...
whatever it is...to me... arguments are just small matters
loving u is a major matter to me...
therefore.. i love you.. i really do..
=lio=

How much did i rate u?.... haha

2009-03-22T19:12:00.002+08:00

after what ks told u
and u realised it
im kinda reliefed that u realised
so....from there
started to increase arhh
then
the more time i spend with u this week
i felt awesome
really awesome
on monday
i was happy that u asked me to come to ur hs
tuesday
i didnt really thought of getting the cake
it was last minute..
cuz i know if i get the cake.. then the love will be deepen
wed....
i willing to tie ur shoelace
then i like it in the cinema
then in ur hs
my heart really melted that day
on fri
its awesome to sp with u
cuz that what i was dreaming about
haha
lol
its like
everynight
i wished that u'd just sp bside me
haha
thast why it increased alot lo
plus
u made the difference too
its so obvious on how u treat me b4 u unsre and when u confirmed
so
i can feel the love when u confirmed more than u were unsure
Sweet Heart
My heart love urs

Sorry

2009-03-13T20:18:00.003+08:00

Its difficult when u realise tat you cant tell the difference between love and interested... however i believe tat time will prove everything...after tis two month, i reali can realise tat you are the one and i reali hope tat you will always be the one for me...i am sorry for everything tat happened including hurting you by tellling you the truth...i thought tat u should noe the truth and i still thinks then u should noe it...anyway give me more time and i will make myself 100% sure bout wat i felt towards you...and i am reali sure tat the answer will be like wat u expected...I love you...

~nic:.2610{92}~

i love you

2009-03-11T15:15:00.003+08:00

i love you.
i love who?
i love you... =)

Hong Kong! Happiest moment of my life!

2008-12-29T21:43:00.064+08:00

my computer lai yeah.. so half of the pics also lai yeah..
plus.. stressing out with alot of stuff in school.. i posted this on 21st of feb.. lol

Sweet 16th Lionel!

2008-12-12T23:51:00.006+08:00

Happy Birthday Lionel!!

20th November 2008...;)

after that we went yam cha and sisha behind my house...

i never felt this satisfied and such relief all these while.Its pretty great feelings for me tho...

at 1am... back at my house... time for me to have my dinner.. then went up in my room play guitar... talk shit... have some carlsberg... i didnt drink it cuz just had dinner.. so i had RIBENA!! haha..lol... so then.. prasanth went out at 3.. as usual.. checking out AMPANG...

so then.. we decided to sleep after tiring night,moreover we had futsal the next morning...

at 7am.. Prasanth came back..lol.. slept for few hours.. at 10 we went for futsal.. pretty awesome tho.. lol..really rally enjoyed it... no studies.. no scouts.. no steven.. no nothing.. awesome!

i'd love to give all these credits to my parents my brother who really had comitted their effort and time... thank you and love you guys..

to all my friends that couldnt come to my party or came... i'd love to tell u guys thank you for having me as a friend..thank you for caring..wishes... awhhh!! enjoy life!! awesome life...and also not forgetting my juniors and seniors in their camp that had send their regards via my council member.. thx u guys too...i had a great day,night,week, and year...

study well everyone... spm!

-lio-

Correct me if im wrong

2008-11-17T22:59:00.002+08:00

i hate that hair
i hate that ear
i hate that forehead
i hate that eye-brow
i hate that cheek
i hate that nose
i hate that lips
i hate that he's wearing the scarf
i hate that he's wearing that wogel
i hate that he's wearing that fst
i hate that stomach
i hate that voice
i hate that phrase.. "guys..! correct me if im wrong!"
and last but not least..
i love that he's jobless...

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahaha!!
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!
ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

~tata/frog/toad/goat/meeeekkkkkk(goat)=signing off~

fuck u.. :)

2008-11-15T11:19:00.002+08:00

read few of my mails..
from 2009 esg will be air scout troop..
HA..... HA.....! FUCK U!
FUCK U!
i dont know anything!!
im fucking pissed after reading it..!
i dont even WANT TO know whats going on!!!
just FUCK U!!
ALL OF U!!!
FUCK U NOE!!
u all fucking spoil my mood.. my minutes, my hour, my day, my week, any other shits!!
i dotn know la wei!!
FUCK!!!!
shit!!
ALL OF U!! SOB!!! son of a bitch!!!

name it for me

2008-11-13T14:28:00.023+08:00

it was on the 11th.. tuesday

it was filled with fun,enjoyment and pure happyness.. :D
Physics!! hahaha!!

13th.. thursday..

Down here is Wai Ming,suffering..

i struck the ball on to his balls..

i didnt do it on purpose!! damn it..

they'll be fine.. no worries..

lunch

campwhore till so boring.. we decided to.............

Keat Yong's

This was the most lame vedio.. lol.. still we had fun... hahahahaha..

Edward's

-lio-

Couple days of fun after exam

2008-11-09T13:47:00.038+08:00

what a awesome day..!

went back home after school.. changed and back to rock city while waiting for Lih Wen.

At 5 we met at CM. then walked till den where she checked out the den qm stuff that she wanna borrow. she was like.. omg! ur den is so cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool..
.......... yeah sure...

"omg! this den is so cool which makes me so cool!! awh!! im soooooo brilliant! eeeeehaaaaa!!"

next Ritesh Yuva and Prasanth and i chilled in scout den with Rajev..
so at 11 we though of going sisha but instead cc.
after that sisha!! awhhh!!

Let the Pro demo

These was the begging..

and now the fun part.. ;)

Then, went chilling around B.B. for 1 and a half hour.. awesome..

While on the way to our 2nd home..

Hey! Govind's house! lol..

everyone was so tired.. so slept at 430

THE NEXT DAY!

sunshine at 8. Ritesh and i washed up get changed. i had futsal and he had some shit. the other 2 enjoying shaking each other.. smiles yeah..

Futsal was awesome.. scored 3 or more goals.. lol didnt get to take any pics but it was fun.. so time table kinda packed..

then took bus at 4 at CM. reached Mid at 410. was late for movie for few mins.. so.. sadly sat the most front and most right. damn it.. after movie.. with all interactors and also Miss Jane for dinner.. quite fun tho.. i was the noisiest.. haha... lol..

BTW.. i started calling bryan sob.. ahahaha.. teacher was asking whats that.. u noe we all.. will nvr tell the truth..so then suddenly she started calling me sob.. and i was like... wtf?! speechless man! lol..

on the way back home...

They acted lan c.. MF and i... =D

Finaaly could sleep 10 hours after all these fun..

May God bless Gerrard

2008-10-10T23:18:00.002+08:00

Wednesday, 8th of October.

On that day i wasn't in school that day. The next day, all i heard was Gerrard felt down from second floor from form 6's bluiding. It's around 7 or 8m height. It schocked everyone.
Loads of rumous. There are people telling he dropped is phone and jump for it and lots on.
but who knows the truth. Maybe only he knows it. But i heardthe truth la. lol. Maybe its true or not i dont know, but the rate of the story is so hai.

So, everyone was......
That time was around 350 - 4.00 evening. He went to somewhere after he's revision and back to his form's block. His class is in first floor. But he went to second floor. and He don't even know it why?!. So he was trying to rest on the ledge, one leg out and one leg in. He doesn't even know why?!. Then suddenly he blackedout and felt down. pretty harsh. before that he was hangging a lil while he was contious then he felt. so its not quite harsh but still its pretty harsh. Then down there is a KH bengkel. He shouted 'HELP!' one of the form 1 found him and called this teacher Jasme, nicknamed as 'biskut' / 'gay' / 'fucker' / 'bastard' / 'asshole' / 'bitch' and loads more.
Then worst part was Gerrard had the school badge on and Jasme was "eh.! kamu jatuh dari bangunan AiA tu eh?! and shouted some cock out." Dude! he was in pain! how can u fking shouted at him?! wtf?! So its not the teacher called the ambulans. its Gerrard himself with broken pair of legs. yeah, PAIR.
and that's what was everyone telling..
May God bless him not now but all his life.

lio

Happy Burthday Prashie!!

2008-10-06T22:12:00.004+08:00

Happy Burthday Prash!!

This vedio recoreded by Sameer. At first Prasanth knew that whole 4N will have birthday bash on him. yeah, on him. So all started with David. he caught Prash while running towards me and i got him.Drag him into the class. All were ready to bash him and prepared with closing all the doors. Then all holded his hands and legs and sang Happy Birthday! haha! lol.. quite fun tho..

and the bastard bit me on my right arm.. jus bcuz u stripped his belt and top. lol.. =.=

Happy Bithday dude! Hoi Sam mou?!

2008-09-22T21:54:00.003+08:00